Stranded 22

Who is this Sterling guy?
I really began to wonder.
He was so excited about meeting Tyler Carson.
Abnormally excited.
And Tyler Carson is no different than Luke Gray.
I’m one of the two survivors.
Why is it he would get so much more excited to see the other one?
But I saw through him. I thought about what he usually wants.
I thought about when and how he wants it.
I considered where I first met him.
What he really is started to surface.
I’ll spell some out for you.
I was on an interview once and all he wanted to do was make love that night while I was on TV.
I was writing in this journal that I will one day publish about my “celebrity” experience and what does he do?
He gets all romantic over it.
But I don’t know that it was romantic specifically towards me.
I think it was for him.
He wanted to sleep with someone a little different than him.
Someone famous.
A celebrity.
And to him, I must be his celebrity.

My name is Luke Gray. Let’s go see Tyler.

438 Days After Being Rescued

As a result of my hypothesis I had one last test.
I agreed to let Sterling come with me.
I wanted to see how he acted to another “celebrity”.
Was it me that he was special to or was it anyone famous?
I had to know.
And letting him come was the one way I had means to prove it.

Well right off the bat my theory seemed to be true.
I was waiting in the car for him and when he finally came outside, he was wearing the same tight suit he wore for me a few weeks ago.
Only this time it didn’t look so adorable.
He climbed in and buckled up.
He turned to me with a huge smile like a kid going to an amusement park.
Luke – Nice suit...
Sterling – Well, this is Tyler Carson we are going to see.
I rolled my eyes at him and started the ignition.
Luke – Yeah, and I’m Luke Gray.
I said it subtly. I don’t think he picked up what I was hinting at.
Sterling – You aren’t gonna wear something nicer?
Luke – What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?
Sterling – Well, isn’t this your ex? Don’t you want to make him jealous?
It was an interesting point.
But Sterling looked so cheesy dressing that way.
Luke – I don’t need to make him jealous. As I told you, we are only going to get something from him. That is all.
He didn’t say much else on the way to Tyler’s.
Just a few remarks about useless things we passed by.

Luke – This is his apartment complex I think.
I pulled into the parking lot.
It was only an average building. Nothing like what I was expecting from Tyler.
We both climbed out of the car and proceeded to his apartment door.
I knocked on the front door very lightly.
Sterling was rocking back and forth from his heals to his toes.
He was making it easy to hide the emotions I was experiencing.
In a way, standing there waiting for Tyler to come, I was glad Sterling was next to me.
Because in my mind I was doing the same thing as him, but he kept me grounded.
I was able to appear unphased by finally seeing Tyler.
I did indeed want him to be jealous of me.
I wanted him to hate himself for giving me up.
He had to see me as completely fine with not being with him.
He had to want me back.
I wanted to make him beg for me back.
And the door opened ever so slowly.
Tyler stood exactly how I remembered him.
Tyler – Hey Luke.
He had on a nervous but happy smile.
Luke – Hi. This is Sterling.
I pointed to him.
Sterling – Hi Tyler Carson.
Tyler – Uh, hi..
Sterling walked right up to him and enthusiastically shook his hand.
Then he walked in past Tyler, basically uninvited.
Tyler let him pass without saying much.
He still stood in the doorway in front of me.
He looked me in the eyes.
And I broke down.
In my mind at least.
There he was.
The man my heart still craved.
The last day I saw him I woke up in his arms.
Tyler – Hey you.
I smiled at him.
Tyler – Come here.
He put his arms out as I walked into them.
Luke – I missed you so much.
Tyler – I missed you too, Luke.

After a few seconds he released me and opened the door allowing me to enter.
It was nothing special.
It looked like any single guy’s apartment.
Not very organized. Not properly decorated.
Almost like a dorm room.
I saw Sterling ahead standing in the middle of the room.
He slowly spun around taking it all in.
Sterling – Wow, Tyler Carson’s home!
Tyler – Uh, yeah.. You can call me Tyler.
Sterling was still walking around looking at all his stuff.
Tyler whispered to me.
Tyler – Who is he?
Luke – Long story.
Tyler – Is he your boyfriend?
Luke – Uh...
I looked into Tyler’s eyes. He was jealous. It was very obvious.
Luke – Yes.
Tyler – I see. Well I’m glad you’re doing well then.
Luke – Yeah, I guess.
He turned away from me.
I think it might have bothered him.
He walked over to Sterling who was admiring a DVD collection, which was quite large.
I could never imagine Tyler as a movie person. He seemed the type that would have a shop in the basement.
You know, always working with his hands on some type of project.
But he couldn’t do that here.
Sterling – Awesome movies.
Tyler – Thanks.
I watched the two of them interact.
It was actually kinda awkward to see my current boyfriend interacting with my ex who I was still in love with.
I wanted his attention again.
And I wanted to know what he had for me.
If he wasn’t going to offer himself back to me, I didn’t want to be there anymore.
Luke – Tyler?
He turned towards me.
Tyler – Yeah?
Luke – Can I talk to you?
He came back over to me.
Luke – What do you have of mine?
Tyler – Oh right. Let me get it.
He walked out of the main living room.
I looked at Sterling who was entirely oblivious of me standing on the other side of the room.
It pretty much proved my hypothesis to fact.

Tyler came back with a regular sized envelope.
Except when he approached me I noticed it was very old and worn in.
On it was simply my first name.
Tyler – Alright, I’ve thought long and hard about giving this to you.
Luke – What is it?
Tyler – Let me explain.
He took a breath.
Tyler – You need to open this when the time is right. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in a month. But I think this could really help you when you need it most.
Luke – I don’t understand.
Tyler – But you definitely can’t open it in front of me. I just can’t watch you.
He held it out and let me take it from his grasp.
Tyler – Promise you won’t open it right away?
Luke – Um, yeah, I guess.
I looked into his eyes. I couldn’t read anything from his expression.
Tyler – I found this on the island. Well I found this in Dylan’s hand.
Luke – Is it Dylan’s?
Tyler – It’s not really anyone’s. I found it in his hand after the incident.
Luke – Oh...
Tyler – Luke, I have thought long and hard about this. I know what you two meant to each other. Dylan really loved you. If this doesn’t prove it then I don’t know what will.
Luke – Uh, I really have no idea what you are talking about.
Tyler – I know, just listen to what I’m saying and think about it before you open this. It kinda has something to do with my actions.
An envelope makes him abandon me?
Tyler – But the thing is, this was Dylan’s very last wish.
Tyler was confusing me and more than that he was scaring me.
The envelope started to burn in my hand.
Tyler – He wanted you to have this.
Tyler put his hand over mine and the envelope.
Tyler – Just open it when the time is right.
I had no idea what to say to him.
But I didn’t want him saying anything else about it.
It was scaring me and I had to leave.
Luke – Okay. Well I guess that is all.
Tyler – Yeah, I guess so.
Luke – So I’ll see you later then maybe.
Tyler – Yeah, that’d be nice.
I walked out the door and slowly proceeded back to my car.
I climbed in, started the engine, and pulled out about to enter back into the street.
His words were replaying in my mind.
This was Dylan’s very last wish.
It has something to do with my actions.
It could help you when you need it most.
What the heck?
I need to know what this is.
I looked down to the empty seat next to me.
The envelope sat glaring back at me.
I just wanted to get back home.
I started to let the car roll forward and enter into traffic.
When I heard my name.
I looked up and saw the last person I could ever imagine.

Stranded 21

Tomorrow’s the day I see Tyler.
I can’t tell you how many emotions are running through my body.
To finally be about to see him again.
It’s like my dream has slowly come true.
Speaking of slow, oh man has this week been long.
But tomorrow is when it will happen.
I will see him and get this item he has of mine.
I still have no clue what it actually is.
But for some reason, I feel it will affect me in some way.
It will leave an impression on me.
Maybe it will change me just as Tyler has.
So the only way I can prepare myself is to give you this one last glimpse into my very last real conversation with Dylan.

My name is Luke Gray and it’s time you know about Dylan and I.

575 Days Before Being Rescued

Well, we made up.
We went right back to being good friends.
We didn’t make it to the stream.
There was no need.
Instead we turned back to camp.
Luke – So you are buddy-buddy with Hayden now?
Dylan – She is nice, but oh man she is such a girly girl.
Luke – Haha, aww, so you missed me?
Dylan – You have no idea how normal you are.
Normal? That was one word I never thought of myself as.
Especially with this life of mine.
But Dylan obviously thought so.
Luke – Thanks. I guess you are normal too.
I had on a slightly flirtatious smile.
No reason why. It just felt right at the time.
Dylan noticed it and again went into some sort of a shock because he silenced himself and only walked straight forward.
I looked up and down his body.
My eyes stopped on his hand.
His fingers were lightly twitching.
It was as if they were begging to be grabbed.
But how weird would that be?
To grab Dylan’s hand.
His fingers continued. I don’t think I ever noticed that on him before.
I had an incredible urge to wrap my fingers in his.
But was it the right thing to do?
I didn’t know.
All I knew was the feeling didn’t stop.
It was more of a desire to let his skin touch mine, not only his hand.
Not in a perverted way,
In a loving way, if that makes sense.
So as I watched his hand I gained the courage.
I walked closer to him and put my two arms around him from behind.
He slowed down as I gave him a hug.
Luke – I missed you.
He put his hand on one of mine.
Dylan – I never left.
Luke – Yes you did to me.
He didn’t say much else.
He stopped entirely.
I put my chin on his shoulder.
I could tell he was smiling without seeing his face.
Nothing needed to be said.
After a few seconds he pulled my arms out a bit.
He turned to face me.
He looked into my eyes before wrapping his arms around me very tightly.
Dylan – I missed you too.
I was slightly taller than him, so he leaned his head against my shoulder as I placed my chin on top of his head.

Just Dylan and me.

It didn’t last.
Our moment together was broken by the sound of a crash.
Luke – What was that?
I released him.
Dylan – I dunno.
We were close enough back to camp that it could easily have originated from the beach.
There was another noise.
Dylan – Oh man, let’s go.
We both started to run.
Luke – It’s coming from Tyler’s new showers.
When we arrived the whole area looked destroyed.
And you guessed it; Ian was standing in the middle screaming his lungs off at Tyler.
Tyler was much more interested in trying to salvage his hard work.
Ian – Hey, I’m talking to you!
Tyler – I have nothing to say to you!
Ian – Hey kid, you aren’t all that when your little inventions break down.
Tyler – What the hell is your problem, why did you do this?
Ian – Because we don’t need it!
Tyler – So don’t use it!
Tyler looked extremely aggravated. He was always so proud of his work.
Ian – Piss head, get over here and face me like a man!
Tyler dropped everything and approached him with the look of rage on his face.
I looked at Dylan.
Dylan – This isn’t good. They look out of control.
Luke – What can we do?
We both had concerned blank faces.
Hayden – Tyler, stay back!
He ignored her comment.
Tyler – Fine, bring it on, jackass!
Tyler shoved Ian in the chest.
Ian swiftly reacted and punched Tyler right in the jaw.
Tyler fell back holding his face.
Ian – That’s right, you’re not so great now!
Ian marched towards Tyler and kicked some dirt at him.
He looked like he would still attack him as he lie defenseless on the ground.
Dylan – No!
Dylan charged at Ian and pushed him away.
Ian – Get off me, twerp.
Both Zooey and Hayden stood surrounding the fight just as I did.
Dylan – What is wrong with you?! He isn’t doing anything to you. It is not worth fighting. This is so stupid!
Ian – Shut up kid and stay out of this.
Dylan – No! There is one thing I’ve learned and that is there is no reason to fight someone, especially here.
Tyler stood up as Ian pushed Dylan out of the way.
The two started a brawl.
Dylan turned towards me and gave me one last look.
I nodded signaling he needed to break it up.
Dylan – Stop!
He pushed the two apart getting a few punches himself.
They were finally separated.
Dylan – Now stop!
Ian – Don’t tell me what to do you pathetic piece of fuck. No wonder your mom didn’t want you and Zooey had to kidnap you! Hell you aren’t even related to her, do you know that?!? She only got you to use you. But you weren’t even useful. Now we just can’t get rid of you.
Anger took over Dylan’s face.
He charged at Ian and started his own brawl.
But he didn’t stand a chance.
Very quickly he was flattened into the dirt and Ian had his foot on Dylan’s head.
Ian – You better think twice before coming after me again. You see this everyone? This is what happens when you challenge me.
Zooey – Ian! Don’t do it!
Ian – I will in a heart beat. We don’t need this anymore.
Zooey – What are you talking about?!
Ian – I can get rid of him right now. He’s no use to us anyway.
I looked down at Dylan’s face.
His eyes had tears in them.
He glanced at me quickly, but I don’t think he wanted me to see him like this.
He closed his eyes.
I looked around. No one was moving.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt I had to stop it, but I feared the same thing would happen to me.
But I realized only three were surrounding him.
Tyler must have snuck off.
Zooey continued to beg for Dylan’s release.
Tyler then appeared from behind a tree.
Ian – It’s not murder here. This is for survival! One less useless mouth to feed.
Tyler picked up a large stick and was slowly sneaking up very close behind Ian.
Ian – See this, twerp. You gonna stand up to me now? You got any last ....
And Tyler slammed his head with the stick knocking him to the ground.
Dylan got up and ran off.
I looked at Tyler quickly who only stared back at me with his hands fixed still holding up the stick in the follow through.
I ran after Dylan.
He was much faster than I thought.
He just kept running.
Luke – Dylan!
He didn’t stop or acknowledge I was following him.
Luke – Wait, please!
Dylan – Go away!
He kept going but I was able to catch up with time.
Luke – Dylan, please, stop!
Dylan – Don’t follow me, I want to be alone!
Luke – No way in hell am I leaving you alone!
Dylan – Please?!
I was right up to him now.
I think he did slow down because deep down he wanted me to stop him.
I grabbed his arm and further halted his run.
He finally stopped.
We were both out of breath.
Dylan – What?
Luke – Are you okay?
Dylan – Yes, I am fine. Can you leave me be?
Luke – Did you leave me alone when I was searching for Kyle?
Dylan – This is different. I can’t be around you right now.
He turned and walked away from me.
I could see how upset he was. Dylan never was like this.
He always wanted to be around me.
I knew he loved me.
There was only one thing I could think of to calm him down.
And I had to do it.
I reached out and grabbed his arm.
I pulled him around quickly as he spun right up to me.
His face landed right against mine.
I gave him the longest kiss I had in me.

Stranded 20

One word comes to my mind:
Change.
And what do I mean by this you ask.
I’ve been through so much of it over my lifetime.
You’d think by now I’d be used to it.
But no, it is impossible to handle the type of change I encounter.

It’s been a couple days since my second phone call with Tyler.
And I can’t help but think how our roles have changed.
When I first met Tyler he was the leader.
He was strong.
He was amazing.
He was so good and confident at being himself.
But now on these phone calls, he was scared or shy or hiding something.
I knew there was something weird about him.
He was using my typical one word answers with little confidence.
He was that gray that encompassed me.
And he was forcing me to ask the questions.
He made me feel like the strong one.
I had to pressure him into letting me come to see him.
That is not my Tyler.
Think about when he looked me in the eye and told me I could come to him anytime.
Anything about the island leads him into this fuzzy mood where I don’t know what he wants.
I mention Dylan or this item from the island or even him denying it.
And he becomes so awkward.
He avoids the topics.
It’s like he doesn’t want to remember the island.
It was some part of his life that he has packed up and placed in a closet to never look back at.
I don’t understand how his memory of it can call for that type of behavior.
First I tell him I miss him and he changed the subject. Then he says it’s good to hear my voice.
Yeah, that is a change in opinion.
What happened to the confident Tyler?
He has been so shy and intimidated in these calls.
What has this regular world done to him?
It was like his voice was in a new person.
And I want to talk to my Tyler.

My name is Luke Gray and it’s time to accept this change.

575 Days Before Being Rescued

Let’s continue this talk of change.
You know it needs to happen in one specific area.
Again, one word will explain it all.
Derek.
I had to change.
I had to get over him.
I had to move on and accept this new world as my family.
I knew it, but I was scared to.
With my admitted attraction to Tyler and jealousy of Dylan, I had to force myself to change.
Because I am very opinionated and if what I want isn’t happening, I will not be the nicest guy.
So I had to want to be over Derek.
It was a mental struggle.
I remember saying to myself one phrase over and over again:
Derek, I love you.
It tore me apart convincing myself to do it.
But in the end, I don’t regret it.
It was the change that I needed to move on in my life and ultimately give me the most amazing relationship I could ever ask for.

Speaking of this change and Tyler’s uncertainty, going back to the stories of the island really shows what he used to be.
What I fell in love with.
It was Tyler’s confidence and general acceptance.
Tyler – What’s your favorite type of cheese? I could really go for some melted cheddar over a grilled chicken.
Luke – Um, I usually put provolone on my sandwiches.
I noticed Dylan approaching me slowly from far away.
He would keep turning around and start working on something else.
I did enjoy talking to Tyler, but I wanted Dylan to come over to me.
I could use a conversation with him because I knew it would end in us being friends again.
Regardless what was said or how we ended it, I don’t think either one of us would allow this to continue.
But he finally gained the courage he was struggling to find and made the full trip over to me.
Dylan – Hi Luke.
Luke – Hey man.
I was as gentle as possible. I wasn’t nor did I want to be annoyed at him.
Dylan – Can I talk to you?
I looked at Tyler, as we were having some sort of a cheesy conversation.
Tyler – Don’t look at me. Go have fun.
He winked at me, as he knew this was the conversation I desired.
I’m sure Tyler knew I wanted my friendship with Dylan again.
I never mentioned to Tyler we were officially in a fight or even what it was about.
He understood it and didn’t want to intrude where he shouldn’t.
Luke – K, see ya.
I got up and walked off with Dylan.

It wasn’t as I imagined it.
I was convinced the next time I spoke to him would be extremely awkward in the beginning.
But we walked off in the same unstated direction:
The stream.
Neither of us needed to say it.
It only seemed right that we end this in the place it all started.
I thought the walk would be completely silent.
But before we were even a third of the way there he broke the silence.
Dylan – Luke, I’m so sorry.
I wasn’t going to let him feel like the bad guy in this.
Luke – Why? I am the one that was a jerk.
Dylan – I didn’t mean to say anything like...
He paused sounding surprised after he interpreted what I said.
He looked at me.
Luke – I’m sorry, Dylan. You were right. I have been isolating myself from everyone, including you. I have been living in the past just as you said.
I turned to look directly at him. I wanted to make sure he understood how much he actually helped me.
Luke – Honestly, I am really glad you did noticed it, because I don’t think I would have ever seen it myself. I was afraid to move on. It was just as you said. So Dylan, you really are an amazing person and I owe you so much that you had the courage to say it to me.
He was speechless.
Luke – I know that couldn’t have been an easy task. Thank you, man.
I had to do it. He stood there so shocked in what I said.
I went right up to him and gave him a hug.
He didn’t really hug back. I think he was still so surprised in what I said.
Dylan – Oh, well, I want to apologize myself too.
Luke – You don’t need to.
Dylan – I still want to. I feel really bad about this.
We didn’t make it to the stream but instead stopped nowhere special.
It was just one of the trails that were naturally created from our stomping down the plant life.
Dylan – I just stepped over my bounds. I should have known not to say that to you. You really care for Derek and I knew it.
Luke – Dylan, it’s fine. You don’t have to...
Dylan – I want to say this if you don’t mind.
I let him continue on. He must have prepared himself because he knew exactly what to say.
Dylan – I see how you feel about Derek. And maybe it’s a bit of jealousy, because I never had anything like that. I was just, well... I dunno how to explain it.
He stopped. Again his past was so mysterious. I had no idea about it. It left me curious, but I never wanted to pressure him as he told me to let it be.
I looked into his eyes. He seemed like he wanted to tell me something. I knew he was upset by it.
It reminded me of a few days ago when Tyler saw me so upset.
So I stole his line.
Luke – Dylan, you can always come to me, you got that?
I kept my fix on his eyes just as Tyler did for me.
Dylan looked back into mine.
I didn’t break the stare.
I wanted him to know he could trust me and I wasn’t going anywhere.
That is what Tyler did to me, and it got me to trust him.

He looked away after a few seconds.
Dylan – Thanks.
And again, this is where I didn’t push him.
Just as I didn’t want to tell Tyler about the cause of my fight with Dylan, I’m sure whatever it was that kept him so secretive, it must be hard to say.
I knew it would come with time.
As Dylan said to me, who knows how long we would be there.
There was no rush to it.
Each of us had a hidden past. Mine being Derek, Dylan’s something else.
It’s only that mine was revealed first.
I knew his would come with time.
That is what I thought then.
Because I could never imagine what was going to happen in two hours time.