Stranded 19

Alright, enough is enough.
Tyler has something of mine.
I have no idea what it is.
It’s been stuck in my mind for the last three weeks.
Hell it’s probably been in yours too.
Because how on earth could he have something that belongs to me?
I didn’t have anything besides the shirt on my back at the island.
And that didn’t even last until the end.
So what could it possibly be?
How could something be so important to me that I would agree to never speak to him again?
Whatever it is, it must be massive in order to validate such a proposition.
Was it something I really wanted that much?
I could figure it out though.
I could get it from him by accepting his demand.
But to never see him again...
I don’t know that I could agree to it.
I survived the last year without him.
But I could never make it official.
Regardless if I ever do see him again.
There is just that small chance.
It was that pocket of hope that kept me going.
And to seal it off and ship him away for good?
There was no chance of it.

My name is Luke Gray and Tyler’s getting his answer.

433 Days After Being Rescued

I said no to Tyler.
I said I couldn’t agree to it.
But I’m sure you know that.
He told me I have a month to change my mind.
Otherwise he’s throwing it out.
But I decided whatever it may be, he wouldn’t do it.
I know him too well.
He doesn’t have the heart to build up the hype only to throw it out.
So I decided to tell him I couldn’t agree to it.
Tell him he means too much to me and I could never banish myself from him.
Who knows what that would bring.
But it couldn’t hurt to try.

Sterling – Who you calling?
It’s not worth lying anymore.
He’ll find out sooner or later.
Luke – Tyler Carson.
Sterling – What!?! Really?
I nodded.
Sterling – Wow, that’s awesome.
Luke – So sit down and let me talk to him.
He was right up in my face.
Luke – Sterling...
I pushed him away.
He didn’t look like he would back down. I couldn’t call Tyler with someone listening to the conversation.
Luke – Stay.
I walked out of the room.

Tyler – Hello?
Luke – I can’t do it.
He didn’t respond immediately.
Luke – I can’t say I’ll never see you again.
Tyler – I don’t blame you.
Luke – I just can’t do it, Tyler. You mean too much to me.
Tyler – I know. It’s okay.
His voice didn’t sound disappointed but almost relieved.
Luke – Then how could you ask something like that of me?
Tyler – I dunno. I guess it was a way to get you away permanently.
Luke – You don’t ever want to see me again?
Tyler – It’s hard to explain.
Luke – I’ve got time.
Tyler – I can’t explain it to you in this way.
Luke – Okay... Well what do you have of mine?
Tyler – Uh, yeah you really should have it.
Luke – What is it?
Tyler – You’ll just have to see it for yourself.
Luke – I don’t understand. What could you possibly have of mine? Neither one of us brought anything back.
Tyler – I did.
I didn’t understand.
Was it something figurative?
Was it something small?
Would I recognize it when I saw it?
Should I know he has it?
He left me completely in the dark.
Luke – Then can I come and get it?
Tyler – I dunno.
Luke – I’m not going to agree to it no matter what you say.
Tyler – I know.
Luke – Then can I come to see you?
He paused.
Tyler – I dunno.
It suddenly occurred to me. I wasn’t thrilled about proposing this, but I wanted to know what he had.
Luke – What about mailing it to me?
Tyler – No.
His voice sounded scared.
Tyler – I don’t trust the mail and...
Luke – And what?
Tyler – I just... You really should get it from me.
Luke – Okay, then can I come?
Tyler – I guess.
Luke – And you won’t make me agree to never see you again?
Tyler – No.
I felt a load of relief off my back.
Not to mention that I was going to see Tyler again.
The idea wasn’t exactly a reality to me yet.
But it slowly took over my body.
After all this time without him, I began to envision what he looked like.
I started to think about how different he may be.
I thought about how his stomach muscles felt when I placed my head on him.
His smell started to come back to me.
And his big blue eyes.
I wondered what it would be like to use my senses on him again.
If he would let me.
Or would it be a quick visit?
I dunno.
Luke – Well when?
Tyler – Uh, not yet.
Luke – Tyler...
Tyler – Okay, how about this weekend?
It was Monday. I could wait a week.
Luke – Okay.
He didn’t say anything.
Luke – Where do you live?
Tyler – It’s not that far.
He gave me an address.
Luke – So Saturday, mid-day?
Tyler – Yeah, that’s fine.
There was a bit of an awkward silence. I didn’t want to hang up because I still wanted to hear his voice. It was soothing me as I missed it so much.
Tyler – It’s good to hear your voice again.
He was thinking the same thing as me?
Are you serious?
Luke – Yeah, same.
I wanted to say how weird it would be to finally see him again.
I wanted to know if he thought the same.
But I kept it all bundled up.
It’s hard to explain. How often does someone spend every second with someone and then one day, they are separated for an unexplained reason?
I only waited for him to say something else.
Tyler – So I guess I’ll see you this weekend.
Luke – Yeah, see you then.
Tyler – Bye.
Luke – Bye.

The end of the call was weird. We both sounded like we were waiting for the other to say something more.
Our responses were slow and delayed.
But whatever, I was going to see him.
That’s all I need to know to be happy.
I put my cell phone back in my pocket and walked into my room.
Sterling was standing in the doorway waiting for my return.
I only pushed him to the side as I walked past him.
I went to my bed and sat down.
I deeply sighed in disbelief.
I fell back and stared at the ceiling.
Sterling was still right up on me but for some reason I didn’t care.
To me he basically wasn’t there.
I felt he was just some piece of furniture or, as I called him, a pillow.
I was going to see Tyler and if something were offered, I’d get back with him in a heartbeat. I would dump Sterling right then and there.
That is how I feel about him.
Horrible, I know.
Sterling – So?
Luke – What?
Sterling – You just talked to Tyler Carson.
Luke – Yes, I did.
Sterling – Well you have to tell me more.
Luke – Why? You know I spent two years on an island with him. He isn’t Tyler Carson to me.
I mimicked the accent he put on Tyler’s name.
Luke – He is just Tyler and you know him and I were together?
Sterling – Yeah...
He made a dreamy sigh like he was filled with jealousy.
Sterling – What did you talk to him about?
There is no way out of this.
I know Sterling pretty well, and this was one of those times where he wasn’t going to drop it.
Luke – I agreed to meet him somewhere.
Sterling – What!?! Really?
Luke – Yeah.
He was freaking out like a teenage girl for a Backstreet Boy or what is it now-a-days, a 15 year old runt who’s name I forget.
I just let him piss his pants. My mind was back thinking about what Tyler had of mine and what it will be like to see him again.
Sterling went on and on about something. I wasn’t focusing on what he was saying. I only nodded and agreed with whatever he said.

Sterling – So I can come?!
Something finally sunk in.
I sat up.
Luke – What?
Sterling – You said I could come! Oh this is gonna be so amazing. What will I wear? What will I say?
Luke – Wait, I said you could come?
He was ignoring me now and frantically running around the room searching for something.
Luke – Sterling!
Sterling – Yeah?
He stopped and looked up at me.
Luke – You can’t come.
His expression was crushed.
He looked like I just told him the worst news of his life.
And it suddenly hit me. I started to see Sterling for who he was.

Stranded 18

There’s one thing that always happened in those early days.
I mean there was Dylan and I hanging out.
Tyler building our world.
But one thing I don’t like to mention.
Well I guess it comes up here and there, but I never like to think about it.
Because it only gives me a headache.
It was so dull and not a highlight.
Now Tyler was a very strong person.
He could tune anything out.
He could take anything.
But even the strong sometimes needs to break down a little.
They need to step aside and prove to everyone they are human.
Well in this case, prove it to me.

My name is Luke Gray and Ian is a dildo.

579 Days Before Being Rescued

Ian – I don’t need your help! Would you stop asking?
Tyler – Hey man, I’m just trying to be nice.
Ian – Why don’t you go reinvent the wheel and make yourself look like a god?
Tyler – Dude, what is your problem?
Ian – I don’t have a problem.
Tyler – Then why do you always have to start something?
Ian – You just walk around like you own the place. This is Tyler’s World, everyone. Let’s do what Tyler says.
Tyler – Yo, that’s not how it is.
Ian – Psh, whatever. How about you let me do my thing, and you do yours, that all right with you, ‘dude’?
Tyler – C’mon, just chill we’re all here to help each other. It’s what we’re doin’. We’re all surviving, at whatever the cost.
Ian – And you make all the decisions.
Tyler – I don’t mean it to be that way, why don’t you make the next one.
Ian – That isn’t what I’m talking about, big shot.
Tyler – Dude, then what do you want?
Ian – I want you step off your ladder and stop being my boss. Let me do something for once without your input.
Tyler – Fine, you know what, you do that. You do your thing. I’ll do my thing. Just remember this, I didn’t ask for this role. You gave it to me.
Tyler walked away. He looked aggravated for the first time.
Ian – Yeah, that’s right you little pansy, just run away. Don’t come back.
He turned around to say something but bit his tongue and didn’t snoop to Ian’s level.
He continued walking.
I decided to follow him.
I spent a lot of time helping out Tyler in those days.
I’m sorry to say it, but I didn’t forgive Dylan.
So him and I weren’t around each other all that often.
Tyler was a few paces in front of me.
I’m sure he knew I was following.
But he continued on and muttered under his breath.
He finally stopped on the other side of the beach and sat in the sand facing the ocean.
I stopped short of him and watched his reactions.
He rustled his hair a bit with both hands and deeply sighed.
Tyler – Come here dude.
I continued to approach him.
Tyler – Take a seat.
I sat right next to him.
Tyler – How you holding up?
Luke – I’m okay.
Tyler – You and Dylan aren’t talking anymore?
Luke – Yeah, I dunno.
Tyler – What happened?
Luke – Uh, it’s hard to explain.
Tyler – It’s cool, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.
I was glad he didn’t pressure it out of me.
I don’t think I could handle telling him about Derek, let alone my sexuality.
Tyler was like an idol, a celebrity to me and I only wanted to look the best to him.
Tyler – Just remember, you can always come to me.
He looked right at me.
His big wide blue eyes.
Tyler – You got that?
Luke – Uh yeah.
I blinked and broke the stare he was giving me.
I had to look away.
He was doing it to me.

We remained quiet for a few minutes.
But I was okay with it.
I just remained still and enjoyed the peace of sitting before the vast ocean.
Of course Tyler was the first to start talking.
Tyler – Luke, do you think I’m bossy?
Luke – Heck no.
I knew he was thinking about what Ian said to him.
It was weird because Tyler was so strong. I could never see words harming him.
Tyler – Oh, that Ian.
Luke – Yeah, I don’t like him much either.
Tyler – It’s not that I don’t like him, I just don’t get what he wants. Sometimes he is cool, and then he gets like this.
Luke – Don’t let him bother you. Look at what Dylan does. He just ignores it. I mean you are a great leader here. You’ve done so much. I don’t know where we’d be without you.
Tyler – I’m not that perfect. I’ve made a lot of mistakes.
Luke – Like what? If you have, no one has noticed.
Tyler – What about Paul?
Luke – What about him?
Tyler – I still feel it is my fault he disappeared.
Luke – That was so long ago, though. It was before we were organized and knew each other.
Tyler – But I should have started searching right away. All I wanted to do was create that useless signal fire.
Luke – It wasn’t useless.
Tyler – It didn’t help though. I should have been looking for him when we realized he wasn’t there.
Luke – Well think about how Dylan and I left for a night. You didn’t go searching for us immediately and we turned out fine.
Tyler – But there were two of you.
Luke – I don’t think that is relevant.
Tyler – I know what you are saying, honestly, I do. But it still bothers me. I don’t think I will ever shed the guilt.
I looked into his eyes.
He continued to stare out into the ocean.
He showed it on his face.
He felt bad about it.
I could tell he cared about each and every one of us and felt he was responsible.
It was a position that fell into his lap and he accepted it.
Luke – It’s still not your fault.
He shrugged off my comment.
His opinion wouldn’t change no matter what I said.

Tyler – Alright, this is stupid.
He stood up and grabbed my hand pulling me up as well.
He started pulling me towards the ocean.
I was slow at first, but he got me to a run.
He released my hand and threw off his shirt.
I slowed down right before the water started as he dived in ahead of me.
I stood in the ankle deep water and observed him.
He didn’t look back at me.
He swam around doing various strokes eventually ending in a back float.
And then I felt a little constraining pressure down south.
I looked down and realized I was turned on.
It freaked me out because I didn’t want to be.
I wanted Derek.
Not Tyler.
But I couldn’t stop looking at him.
I adjusted my jeans letting it come up.
Tyler – C’mon on in, dude.
He was watching me.
I was concerned that he saw the boner.
But he didn’t show any signs of it.
He swam back eventually standing up.
He walked right up to me and pulled at my shoulder.
I didn’t move too much.
Tyler – Don’t look so serious.
He put his arm around my shoulder and escorted me towards the deeper water.
I went along with him.
But he put his opposite hand down to my knees and picked me up like a baby.
Luke – Wait, let me take off my shirt.
He wasn’t stopping.
Tyler – It’s too late for that.
I pulled my arm out and put it around his back.
We were now fully submerged.
He flattened my body and pushed me off in my own back float.
I stared up into the bright blue sky.
I couldn’t help but question what was wrong with me.
My whole life was figured out up to that point.
It consisted of one man.
Derek.
But here I was in a completely new world getting a boner from someone else and in a fight with a really good friend for basically being a jerk.
Yeah, I admitted it to myself pretty quickly.
I was a jerk to Dylan.
All his points were valid.
He was describing me. I did make myself an outsider to that world.
I didn’t accept anyone. I only lived like I was a guest.
I started to see it.
But I was nervous of what to say to Dylan.
And now Tyler floating next to me.
Turning me on.
I was scared. That is the only way to put it.

About an hour later Tyler and I were back to sitting on the beach drying off.
We didn’t say much, but remained next to each other.
I didn’t want to leave his side.
I looked down the beach and saw Dylan with Hayden.
He was helping her prepare dinner I guessed.
He must have gave in to her and found a replacement for me.
I watched his actions.
Hayden must have made a joke, because he smiled and laughed a little.
I felt jealous.
I wanted to share a laugh with him again.
But I also wanted to sit with Tyler.
My eyes didn’t break watching him though.
My body was with Tyler and my focus on Dylan.

I finally let myself say it.
Dylan was cute.
He truly was.
I knew it for a while.
But I couldn’t admit it.
I wouldn’t let myself.
Only one question remained.
How do I end this argument?
I was afraid if I tried to end it he might take it as me offering to be with him.
And I didn’t know if I wanted to be with him that way.
All I did know was I wanted him to be my friend again.
He stopped moving and was looking in my direction.
He saw me watching him and smiled.
I quickly looked away.

Stranded 17

There’s no way to avoid it.
I have to give you two stories in a row you won’t like.
I wish I could come up with something to fill in.
But I got nothing.
As it is I’m on a roll with giving you bits of how Derek affected me on the island.
You are beginning to see it.
You are beginning to understand why Dylan and I couldn’t be.
I wasn’t strong enough.
I couldn’t handle it.
And about today, right here. I have no idea what to tell you.
I could tell you more about seeing Derek with Sterling.
So you can learn what happened.
But I don’t want to relive that one again.
It’s a killer for me.
It’ll come though.
Give it time.
Right now we need to go back to the island.
With Dylan.

My name is Luke Gray and I solemnly swear to never break Derek’s vow.

587 Days Before Being Rescued

Dylan – So your relationship was always a secret?
Luke – Yeah, pretty much.
Dylan – Did you have to hide it or did anyone guess?
Luke – A little of both. Way before we knew what we were we used to get teased.
Dylan – About what?
Luke – We were called fairies and boyfriends. But it was before we knew. So we tried to cover it with lies to ourselves.
Dylan – And even with the teasing you remained friends and continued playing around?
Luke – Yeah, well one time it got really bad and Derek told me we should stop hanging out. I was devastated, not that I knew why it hurt so much.
Dylan – That’s horrible, I would never do that.
Luke – But we made up and agreed to remain friends. Actually we made a vow to each other to be best friends and be together no matter what for the rest of ours lives.
Dylan – But that was before you were dating?
Luke – Yeah, but once we started, it just continued. We would say it to each other all the time. But it changed to things like we’re soul mates and gonna live together until we die.
Dylan – Well I think that is really sweet.
Luke – I guess.
Dylan – Honestly, I do. It’s adorable how you still value him even after all of this.
Luke – What do you mean? Of course I value him. He’s my boyfriend.
Dylan – Oh, I don’t mean anything against you. I am just saying, how long have we been here now? Like 6 months?
Luke – You’re point?
Dylan – No point really. I’m just commenting about how long it’s been since you saw him and...
Luke – What are you trying to say?
Dylan – I dunno. Don’t take this the wrong way, really, please don’t. But look around. How long do you think we are gonna be here?
He paused. I didn’t say anything, but could tell where he was headed and I didn’t want to instigate him any further.
Dylan – I’m just trying to say, I don’t think we are going to leave this island anytime soon.
Luke – Well, Derek will be waiting for me when I get back.
Dylan – But what if we are stuck here for 10 years or forever? How much longer can you wait? Do you think he has moved on? I mean he probably thinks you are dead.
Luke – He knows I’m not dead. I know he knows. He would believe in me. And I will see him again. Don’t tell me something like that.
Dylan – Luke, just listen to yourself. All you ever talk about is the past. You only ever talk about what did happen.
Luke – That’s because you ask!
Dylan – Well, yeah. But how much longer can your stories be about the past? Look around you. There are so many new stories about here and now. This is what you should be talking about.
Luke – Then let’s talk about here.
Dylan – Well it’s more of you are living in the past it seems. We could be stuck here forever. And you want to consider yourself with someone you might never see again?
Luke – I will see him. And yes. He will always be my boyfriend!
Dylan – Luke, do you not understand what I’m trying to say?
Luke – I know what you are saying and I’m telling you to drop it.
Dylan – Just think about it. There is this new world around you with people that care about you. I see you walking around. I’m sorry I’m mentioning him, but I know you are searching for your brother.
He knew not to mention my brother. So I really started to get angry with him.
Dylan – Now I will always help you find him. I promised that to you, but there are new people here that care about you. And you don’t see it. You don’t see that we are your new family. We aren’t a replacement, but something new. And you should understand that.
He was telling me to forget anything and everything that I valued. He was trying to get me to forget what I cared about. He was trying to shape me into a new person. And I was not okay with it.
Dylan – I’m not trying to be mean, but I just want you to realize something. You can trust us here. We may be different than what you grew up with and I know change is hard, but at some point you need to accept this.
I was so irritated at him. I didn’t want to be near him anymore.
I turned and walked away from him without saying anything.
Dylan – And more than that. You have someone that cares more about you than anything you can imagine.
I felt him grab my hand and swing me around.
Luke – What the hell is wrong with you?!? I will not cheat on my boyfriend. Don’t you ever touch me again!
I pushed him into the ground and ran away.

I wasn’t sure where to run. But it couldn’t be anywhere near Dylan. I had to avoid any place he would go.
And there was one place I could think of on such short notice.
You’d think I was crazy for going there.
I went to where Ian usually was.
But thankfully, Tyler and Zooey were around.
Tyler and Ian were working on building something. I wasn’t sure what it was. It got to the point where I trusted whatever Tyler was building and I stopped asking.
Because whatever he came up with, it was always beneficial.
Zooey – Hi Luke, how’ve you been holding up? I haven’t really talked to you in ages.
Luke – Yeah, it’s been awhile. I’m good, can’t complain.
I wasn’t going to tell her about our argument.
Zooey – Are you sure? You look a little PO’ed.
Luke – Uh, nah, I’m fine. So what are they working on now?
I signaled to the other two.
Zooey – Showers.
My mouth dropped open.
Luke – Are you kidding me?
Zooey – Nope. That Tyler, he sure is clever.
Luke – Yeah...
Zooey – I don’t know what we’d do without him. He basically built our whole town here.
Luke – I guess he did.
Zooey – He sure would make a good mate though.
Luke – Mmhm.
Yeah, sorry, this isn’t when it happened. This is all coincidence.
Zooey – So what do you think on the latest?
Luke – Latest what?
Zooey – Hayden and Tyler.
Luke – What about them?
Zooey – Oh, c’mon...
I looked at Tyler. I couldn’t see it.
Luke – I dunno.
Zooey – He’s been finishing up earlier each day and the two of them go off somewhere.
Luke – I see.
I really didn’t care at all then. Tyler was his own person and he could do whatever he pleased.
I was more curious about this shower set up of his.
So I walked over to him.
Tyler – What’s up, dude?
Luke – Hey.
Tyler – You wanna give us a hand? Grab that rope over there and rap it around these two branches.
He made rope out of braided palm tree leaves.
Luke – So how’s this work?
Tyler – It’s quite simple actually. You know how gravity works?
Luke – Uh, yeah. Everything goes down...
Tyler – Exactly. Here, let me do it.
He took over for me, as apparently I wasn’t tying to his standards.
Tyler – See, the fall is right over there, so we’ll catch the water and these hollow tree branches will transfer the water over there, where we punctured holes for the water to drip out of. The trick is just to give everything a little bit of an angle.
Luke – Wow, this is genius.
Tyler – We’ll just get some rocks to put underneath so the water doesn’t completely erode the ground.
Luke – This is awesome, Tyler.
Tyler – Yeah, I’m hoping to get it up and running in a few days.
This is the kind of stuff that made me love the guy. Well not then, but it was the start of it. Everything was so simple and it just worked.
It made me jealous.
Tyler – There’s your buddy over there.
I looked over to Zooey and Dylan stood watching me.
Luke – I gotta go.
I started walking in the opposite direction.
But I knew Dylan would chase after me.
I only wanted to get far enough so no one would see whatever confrontation we were about to have.

Dylan – Hey.
Luke – What?
Dylan – I’m really sorry. That all came out wrong. I didn’t mean it.
Luke – How could you not mean something like that? You are obviously thinking it the way you put that argument together.
Dylan – No...
Luke – And now you are lying to me again.
Dylan – I’m so sorry.
Luke – Go away. I don’t ever want to see you again.

Stranded 16

I’m not really sure how to lead you into this story.
Again, it’s one I gotta tell you.
Because what happened at its end is very important to me.
It’s something I lived by for so many years of my life.
It took so much to break it. But until I did, I couldn’t move on.
Nothing new, nothing else could happen.

My name is Luke Gray and I’ll meet you at the playground.

1043 Days before the crash

Boy – Fairy! Fairy! Luke and Derek are fairies!
Derek – What are you talking about?
Boy – You know what I’m talking about.
Luke – Shut up and go away.
Boy – Why, so you two can go kiss?
Luke – No...
Boy – Everyone knows it.
Derek – Knows what?
Boy – You two fairies like cock.
Derek – No we don’t.
Boy – Then why don’t you have girlfriends yet?
Derek – Because.
Boy – Because you two must do each other.
Luke – It’s not true.
Boy – Hey, Jess, you hear these two like to suck each other off?
Boy2 – Ew. Faggots.
Derek – Shut up. It’s not true.
Boy – Then why are you always together?
Derek – Because we are friends.
Boy – Yeah, boyfriends.
Luke – What? No...
Boy2 – Then prove it. Tell everyone you hate each other.
Derek – I’d never do that!
Boy – Then you are fairies. You have to stand up in front of the entire class and punch each other right in the face.
Derek – That’s stupid.
Boy2 – It’s only stupid if you are afraid. Do it right now. Push your boyfriend into the grass.
Luke – Let’s go, Derek. These idiots don’t know what they are talking about.
Boy – Excuse me?
Luke – You heard me. You are an idiot.
Boy – That’s it.
He grabbed me and held me so I couldn’t escape.
Derek tried to run, but was quickly stopped by the second boy.
Boy – You are just asking for the whole school to know.
Luke – Get off me. I don’t know what you are talking about.
He walked me far away from Derek.
Boy – You have to prove to everyone you aren’t a fairy.
Luke – How do I do that?
Boy – You have to fight your boyfriend and kiss a girl.
Luke – He’s not my boyfriend!
Boy – Everyone thinks you are. Don’t you like girls?
Luke – Get off me! I do like girls, who doesn’t?
Boy – Well that’s a surprise.
By this time the entire recess was surrounding me.
I hated it.
I was so embarrassed.
I only wanted to be alone.
I wanted to be far away from the staring.
Boy – Hey everyone, Luke here says he kisses Derek.
There were jeers and laughter from everywhere.
I broke down in tears.
A teacher finally started approaching the crowd.
The bully released me and whispered into my ear.
Boy – That’ll happen everyday until you do what I say.

I didn’t see Derek for the rest of the day.
I didn’t particularly look for him either. I got on the bus and sat by myself. He never got on. I guessed he walked home.
I went right to my room without talking to anyone.
I didn’t want to see anyone.
It was the worst day of my life.
I mean I’m not gonna say I was cool. I did get teased a little here and there. But nothing was ever as bad as this.
I was never ridiculed in front of the entire class.
I made it to my bed and put my head into my pillow.
I cried.
Because I was scared of what to think.
I only wanted to see one person.
I wanted Derek to be in my room.
But I didn’t know what to say about us being called fairies and boyfriends.
I wondered what he was thinking.
I wanted to know if he was as scared as me.
I wanted to tell him I didn’t care what anyone thought.
I only wanted him to be with me.

Kyle – Luke.
Luke – Go away!
It was later that night. I hadn’t left my room since coming home.
I didn’t go downstairs for dinner.
I didn’t want to see anyone.
I heard the doorknob turn.
Luke – I said go away!
Kyle – I heard what happened.
Luke – So leave me alone.
Kyle – You know I can’t do that.
I waited to hear what he had to say.
Kyle – I found someone who is in the same shape as you.
I turned my head from the pillow towards the door.
Derek was standing there awkwardly.
Kyle pushed him all the way in and shut the door.
I rolled onto my side and looked into Derek’s eyes.
He didn’t say anything but only stood there.
Luke – Hi.
Derek – Your brother made me come.
I didn’t say anything back.
Figures Kyle would get the one and only person I was craving.
He wandered to my desk chair and sat down.
Luke – That sucked.
Derek – Is that what they really think?
Luke – I don’t care what they think.
Derek – But why would they make such a big deal?
Luke – I dunno.
Derek – Why did they keep calling us boyfriends?
Luke – Does it matter?
Derek – Maybe we do hang out too much.
It was the worst thing I could imagine him saying.
Derek – Maybe it’s time we found girlfriends and some new friends.
Luke – Is that what you really want?
Derek – It seems like that is what we should do.
I wanted to scream no. I wanted to tell him to come to my bed and give me a hug. I wanted him to say he didn’t care what anyone thought and that him and I would always be together.
But he didn’t.
He didn’t look at me.
Derek – So I guess this is goodbye for now.
He stood up.
Luke – Wait.
He turned back to me with a bit of light in his eyes.
Luke – For how long?
Derek – What do you mean?
Luke – I don’t want to stop being friends with you.
Derek – I don’t want to stop either. But what other choices do we have?
Luke – I dunno.
Derek – So I guess I’ll see you around?
I put my head back into my pillow.
I sensed him remaining still for a few seconds.
I prayed he would say something else.
But I heard the floor creak as he walked to the door.
The doorknob jiggled but it didn’t open.
Derek – Is your door locked?
I lifted my head and looked back at him.
Luke – No? It locks from the inside.
Derek – Well it’s stuck.
I looked down to the crack between the base and floor. I saw two shadows which meant only one thing.
Luke – Kyle!! Let go of the door!
Kyle – No! You two make up and resolve this!
I climbed out of bed and went to the door.
Derek stepped out of the way as I attempted to turn the doorknob and pull it open.
It was a match between my desire to get Derek out of my sight and Kyle’s to keep us together.
Because I couldn’t imagine what else to say to him.
He basically told me he didn’t want to hang out anymore.
And I was crying in my mind.
I only wanted to go back to my bed to let the tears surface.
Luke – Let go!
Kyle – No way!
But my desire was turning to adrenaline and Kyle’s was only from muscle strength.
I won the tug of war.
The door swung open.
Kyle stood in the doorframe as I glared at him before turning back to my bed.
Derek attempted to walk past Kyle.
Kyle – No!
Luke – Jesus, Kyle! Let him go.
Kyle – No. You two are better friends than this. I can’t let you two be upset with each other.
He was like my savior. He was doing what I couldn’t do. What I didn’t have the strength to do.
He kept Derek with me.
Kyle – Now figure out how you two are going to remain friends and then I’ll let you guys out.
He swung the door closed.

Derek went back to the chair and I sat on my bed.
Again there was a very awkward silence.
He said to me he wanted to stop seeing me.
But now he was forced to retract it.
So I knew I had to start the conversation or else we’d sit there forever.
Luke – I still want to hang out with you.
Derek – Yeah, I want to hang out with you too.
He looked scared about it.
Derek – But I can’t be ridiculed like that.
Luke – It’s not all that bad.
Derek – Are you kidding me?
Luke – Hey, it made us get locked in a room together.
A smile poked through his fear as he looked away from me.
Luke – Kyle is right, we can’t be like this. We are better friends than to let insults get in the way.
Derek – But they are calling us such horrible names.
Luke – Who cares? Only you and I know the truth. We are just really good friends. Why do we need their approval?
Derek – But what do we say when they call us boyfriends.
Luke – I dunno.
Derek – Because we do kind of seem like it.
Luke – Nah, we just hang out a lot, what’s the big deal?
He shrugged.
Luke – I know that I always want to be friends with you, no matter what.
Derek – Yeah, I feel the same way.
Luke – So we should just stay friends and ignore them.
Derek – Yeah. Because I hate the feeling of not being able to talk to you.
Luke – I know it sucks.
Derek – So let’s make a vow right here, right now. Let’s agree to be together for the rest of our lives. No matter what we face. It’ll be you and me, friends forever.
I stood up and walked towards him.
I put out my hand.
He carefully put his in mind.
We sealed the vow.