Stranded 15

Dylan revealed to me his secret.
It must have taken tremendous courage.
And I can only commend him for it.
Because in my life, I never have told anyone something that personal.
I’m too afraid.
In every situation I’m always forced to it.
I never had to initiate the conversation.
This is why Dylan will always be a better person than me.

My name is Luke Gray and I’m a stubborn bitch.

681 days Before Being Rescued.

Dylan – Derek?
Luke – Yeah, Derek.
Dylan – Who’s Derek?
Luke – My boyfriend.
Dylan – What! You never told me you had a boyfriend!
Luke – Well I also didn’t tell you I was gay.
Dylan – But that is kind of a big deal! I mean all this time we have been searching for your brother and I’m thinking you are missing him terribly.
Luke – I am. And can we not talk about my brother? I told you it only makes me upset.
Dylan – Sorry. But what I mean is you must be missing your boyfriend even more.
It was entirely true.
I saw Derek everywhere. I saw him in my dreams. I saw him around me. I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I don’t think there is a way to describe how much I missed him.
It’s like the feeling I was going through about my brother.
I couldn’t describe it.
It was so painful and hurt so much that I can’t find a way to make you understand.
But as I showed you, Derek and I had our first encounter some 5 years ago and we had been best mates since we were five years old.
I don’t really know when we considered ourselves dating, so I can’t give you a range, like “We’d been dating for 3 years”
But this boy who I loved with all my heart, who I saw pretty much everyday of my entire life was gone from me.
And what hurt even more was not being able to tell him I was okay.
I knew he was hurting.
I knew his heart was crushed.
To be told I was in a plane crash and that I was missing.
I mean it was the same way with my parents.
But I was more worried about Derek.
Because my parents had each other.
Derek had no one.
We did have a couple other friends, but him and I were what counted. He and I only had and only wanted each other.
And now I was gone without reason, without hope, leaving him entirely alone.
It crushed me so much more than my brother being missing.

Dylan – Well it must completely suck to not be able to talk to him.
Luke – You have no idea.
Dylan – I’m here for you, if you want to talk about it.
Luke – Nah, I don’t think it’s fair to you.
Dylan – I don’t mind.
Luke – I’m still not gonna talk about him.
Dylan – Why?
Luke – Because.
Dylan – Luke, stop being stubborn.
Luke – Why do you care?
Dylan – Because I do! Why wouldn’t I? He means a lot to you and you mean a lot to me.
He quickly stumbled on his words.
Dylan – I mean you and I are best friends. I just want you to know I’m here for you.
Luke – Derek is my best friend.
He sounded a little disappointed hearing that.
Dylan – That’s fine. But that doesn’t change our relationship. We are both stuck here. Just you and me. So you shouldn’t hold anything back.
I was so stubborn then. Well I still am. But I was stubborn on stupid things then.
Luke – What do you want to know?
Dylan – I don’t know, anything. Who is he?
Luke – He’s Derek. My best friend.
Dylan – And your boyfriend?
Luke – Pretty much.
Dylan – Well that’s cool.
Luke – So you see why I can’t be with you.
Dylan – Yeah...
Luke – Okay, so let’s go back.
I stood up and walked away from him. He didn’t immediately say anything.
Dylan – Dude, wait.
I stopped and looked back at him.
Dylan – You know me. I always just do what you want. But now I’m telling you get back over here. You are gonna talk to me for once.
I had never seen him talk like that to me.
He wasn’t angry, but for once voicing his opinion.
It was different, I’ll say that much.
But it made me listen to him.
Luke – What?
Dylan – Come back and sit down.
I did what he said. I think some part of me wanted him to say that.
I never tell anyone that much about me.
I’m very secretive and hold in my feelings.
Just writing this to you is taking a lot out of me because it is completely against who I am. But I know I need to. I need to tell someone.
And I needed to tell someone then too.
It was a subconscious desire that made me glad he was there and that he cared.
Dylan – How about I talk first and then you will talk after?
Luke – Uh, I guess.
Dylan – So you know what it’s like to keep this a secret?
Luke – Yeah.
Dylan – What about liking someone?
Luke – What do you mean?
Dylan – You know, holding in your feelings.
Luke – I’ve never liked anyone besides Derek.
Dylan – You are telling me you only ever liked one person?
Luke – Yup.
Dylan – I dunno. That’s kinda hard to believe.
Luke – Well believe it.
Dylan – How did you and Derek start?
Luke – I guess we were best friends and it just happened.
Dylan – So you didn’t have some huge crush on him and have to go through holding it in?
Luke – No, I guess I didn’t.
Dylan – Can you tell me more about Derek? Please, I just want to know.
His expression made me trust him. He needed to hear it, I could just tell.
Luke – Derek and I were best friends since we were toddlers. We are neighbors and our parents are good friends, so as kids, we saw each other a lot. And we just clicked.
Dylan – I wish I had someone like that.
Luke – What do you mean?
Dylan – When I was a kid, well.. uh. So what happened between you two? How did you become boyfriends?
Luke – I don’t really remember when it happened. But one time he told me what a blowjob was.
Dylan – What!? Told you?
Luke – Well gave me...
Dylan – How old were you?
Luke – I dunno. Young.
He let out a smirk.
Luke – Shut up.
Dylan – No, it’s kinda cute.
Luke – Yeah, well we didn’t know what it meant. We both just weren’t into girls and we agreed we both liked it, so we kept doing it.
Dylan – And no one took note of it?
Luke – We did it alone, no one knew.
Dylan – Did you know it was “gay”?
Luke – No.
Dylan – So what happened next?
Luke – Not much. We were just best friends who occasionally .. you know.
Dylan – Did you like him then?
Luke – I liked him as my friend. I didn’t know I liked him sexually, if that’s what you mean.
Dylan – That’s sweet.
Luke – What is sweet about it?
Dylan – I’m just guessing here, but it seems like you two gained feelings over time and eventually realized you were boyfriends.
Luke – Pretty much.
Dylan – I think it’s the perfect fairy tale.
Luke – Except this happened.
Dylan – Well you got to meet me.
Luke – Yeah...
Dylan – I know what you are thinking, you’d give it up to be back with him.
I didn’t answer.
Dylan – I would too if I was you.
I only looked back into his eyes.
Dylan – So you really have no idea how good it feels to finally say that to you.
Luke – Say what?
Dylan – That I like you. It has been tearing me apart for so long. I have debated telling you countless times. I didn’t know how. I tried a few times but I just got out of it and changed the subject.
Luke – Well, I’m glad you did.
Dylan – So you will talk to me a bit more now?
Luke – Yeah. I’ll tell you about Derek.
Dylan – I mean about everything.
Luke – Maybe.

Dylan was accepting of everything. I knew he liked me. It was very obvious from that point. But he never asked about the two of us.
He asked about Derek all the time.
We would stay up late and I’d tell him stories of Derek and I.
He would always ask for all sorts of details in each story.
And for me, as much as it made me miss Derek and miss being home, I liked talking about my past.
When I was with Dylan, everything felt okay.
I could tell him anything.
It was a feeling I never had with anyone else.
It is hard to explain to you.
Because you see me as someone who reveals everything.
But that is because I have to. I have to tell everything to make you understand.
And you will never meet me. You will never have to look at me as I tell you. You will not add that pressure or intimidation that every other person I met placed on me.
Dylan was the one and only person I felt entirely comfortable with.
I just wish I still had him.
So I could kiss him again.

Stranded 14

Okay, so you and I both know I forget to tell you bits and pieces here and there.
Well this is definitely not one of those times.
There was no way I could just not tell you.
I knew I was going to.
But it was a matter of when and how.
And this is the best time.
Because up to now, who cared.
But Dylan’s decision to reveal his secret basically forced me to explain to you another story.
Though this is again like my story with Sterling. I don’t really know its importance.
But unlike with Sterling, I want to tell you.
Because this person is very, very special to me.
Except it is all my fault. I messed everything up.

My name is Luke Gray and this is the beginning of my story.

1511 days before the crash

I could give you bits of information.
I could say his name is Derek and he is the same age as me.
Curly blonde hair, blue eyes.
My real best friend.
But what’s the fun in that.
You won’t understand it.
You won’t believe it.
It’s like me telling you it’s raining today.
I could just blatantly say it.
Or I could tell you how Sterling and I went for a walk in the rain and came back soaked.
Which, side note, it’s pretty fun. You should give it a try.
Not to mention seeing his hair all wet and in locks covering his eyes.
It’s just a beautiful sight on any guy.
Okay, sorry. I’ll focus.
Derek.
See, I could tell you about a lot of times.
Any of them would work. Any and you would be able to see we were best friends since we were six.
You could see we were always together.
Attached like brothers.
Going on family trips, having sleepovers.
Just the two of us.
We were a perfect match.
But again, I could tell you everything or I could prove it to you.
And the way I see it, there is only one particular time to start.
It just explains so simply my relationship with him.
You will understand it without me needing to say what happened next.
But I will say this:
Hey you!
If you don’t like this genre, stop reading now.
Cause you have my one warning.
I don’t like you anyway.
Gays and bi’s rule.
Go away to your boring unoriginal hetero relationships.

I think I was about 9 or 10, I don’t really remember.
Derek – I saw my cousin over the weekend.
Derek’s cousin was an interesting guy. I met him a couple times and he was very friendly.
But one thing for sure is he was not afraid to tell us what we should do.
He always told us these awesome things that the “big” kids were doing.
It made Derek and I feel cool.
So any chance we had to listen to what he was saying, we took it.
Luke – Oh really? He show you anything interesting?
Derek – Well I wouldn’t say show, but he told me about something.
Luke – Don’t keep it a secret, you gotta tell me.
Derek – It was kinda weird.
Luke – So? We’re best friends, nothing is weird between us two.
Derek – He said he has a girlfriend now.
Luke – Ew.
Derek – I know, right?
We both laughed.
Luke – How can he do that? I thought he was cool.
Derek – That’s what I told him. But he said when we get older we’ll like girls too.
Luke – Ugh, I don’t want to get old then. You and I are gonna be best friends forever. We don’t need girls.
Derek – I agree.
Luke – How old is your cousin now anyway? How much longer do we have?
Derek – He’s 15.
Luke – Ugh, we can’t ever give in to it, promise me?
Derek – Promise.

Derek – But there was something else he was talking about.
Luke – It better not be kissing.
Derek – Well yes, but there was more. He said it was this awesome feeling. He said I needed to find a girlfriend to try it with.
Luke – What is it?
Derek – And we both agree we don’t want a girlfriend anytime soon right?
Luke – Yeah, just tell me dude!
Derek – Do you trust me?
Luke – Of course, we are soul mates, you know that.
Derek – I know, but I want to try something. Close your eyes.
Luke – Okay.
I closed my eyes.
We were sitting in my room playing around with action figures or whatever we did in those days.
He pushed me back so I was laying flat on the ground.
Luke – What are you doing?
Derek – Just keep your eyes closed.
He did something I never would expect him to do.
He unbuttoned my jeans.
Luke – Hey!
Derek – Stay down.
He pushed my chest back down.
Derek – You gotta trust me.
Luke – I do.
I let go of any tension in my body and let him surprise me.
He unzipped my pants but all I could do was giggle because I am extremely ticklish.
Luke – You’re tickling me!
Derek – No. This is tickling...
And he actually did tickle me.
I sat up and pushed him off, tackling him and landing on top of his body.
We wrestled a bit because neither one of us would ever give in to a fight.
But my pants fell down when I tried to stand up and get away from him causing me to trip.
Luke – Hey! You did that on purpose.
I was on my back and went to pull back up my jeans.
Derek – No, wait.
He put his hand on one of my legs signaling me to stop.
Derek – This is what I wanted to show you.
Luke – What? My boxers?
Derek – No. Get on your bed.
Luke – Okay.
I stood up again trying to pull up my pants.
Derek – Nope.
He pulled off my pants all the way.
Luke – Hey! Give them back.
Derek – Just lay down.
Luke – Only if you give me my pants!
Derek – I will. But I want to try this.
I was in a playful mood at the time. I had no idea what he was trying to do. It was never something I would ever imagine.
I gave in to his demands and laid back on the bed and closed my eyes.
He reached for the top of my boxers and pulled out the front away from my skin so I could feel a breeze.
At first I was surprised.
Luke – Hey!
But as soon as I said it my mind became very distracted. I didn’t make him let go. And he didn’t say anything back.

Okay, time for some discussion.
This was my very first time. But first time for what?
At the time, I didn’t know what it was. I just liked it. It felt good.
I didn’t know what being gay meant.
I just trusted my best friend. I let him do what ever his crazy cousin told him.
And it did go pretty far, because very soon I felt some moisture.
At first I had no idea what he was doing. I thought he just poured water on his hand or licked his fingers. But then I felt his whole face hit my legs.
And then I realized what he was doing.
But it felt so incredibly good. I wasn’t grossed or creeped out.
I only wanted him to keep going.
And he did.
For what felt like ages.
It was the longest silence two 9 year olds could have.
But I couldn’t keep it silent forever.
I had this incredible urge.
I let out a moan.
And he pulled off of me.
Derek – You okay?
Luke – Don’t stop.
I pushed his head back down.

After awhile we eventually stopped.
We were both sitting on my bed on opposite sides.
I had no pants or boxers on while he sat fully clothed.
We were silent.
He finally broke it.
Derek – What did it feel like?
Luke – Amazing. If that is what it’s like to be with a girl, then I can’t wait.
He smiled at me proud of himself.
Derek – Well we don’t really need a girl to do it.
Luke – You are right. You can do it.
Derek – Yeah!
He was quite happy with me saying that to him.
Luke – Wait, what was is “it” called?
Derek – I don’t know. My cousin didn’t tell me.
Luke – Oh. Well what was it like on your end?
Derek – Awesome. Why don’t you give it a try?
Luke – Okay! Lie down.

And you get where this went.
I figured this was the best way to tell you.
Derek was my absolute best friend. We did everything together.
And we trusted each other.
So when Derek learned of this new “technique” from his cousin, he came to me. He wanted to know what was so amazing about it.
And we both found out together.

Stranded 13

You might ask why we didn’t put more effort into creating a signal fire or coming up with a way to get off the island.
Well we did. We absolutely did.
Countless attempts were made to come up with ways to let the world know where we were.
But it really doesn’t matter.
We were rescued.
You know that.
So the failed attempts, let’s just leave those out.
If it really bothers you, then go get stranded on an island yourself and see what you come up with. I’ll bet our ideas will be very similar.
Well actually I think we should leave out my failed attempts.
When it comes to Ian’s...

My name is Luke Gray and you get no hint.

681 Days Before Being Rescued

Well I told you I could jump ahead a couple months.
And this is when I meant.
This is when everything began to get interesting.

Dylan and I were back from our daily excursion. What we specifically did that day, I don’t remember, but he and I were relaxing by the nearly completed huts Tyler had been working on.
Tyler – Hey dudes, can I get some help with this?
Luke – Of course, what do you need?
Dylan and I got up without hesitation.
Tyler – I’m gonna need as many hands as possible.
Dylan – Should we get Ian?
Tyler – Uh, well he looks pretty occupied over there.
Ian had this brilliant idea of building a raft. It was all he worked on for the last month. Which he had to restart who knows how many times because, well, let’s just say it kept falling apart.
Which was always funny.
He would get pissed and irritated and then storm around. So as long as you weren’t in his path, it always provided some comic relief.
Even Dylan thought it was hilarious.
Why he was building a raft, no one really knew.
I don’t think he planned on sailing off.
Because Zooey openly said she wasn’t going anywhere on a raft he built. And my guess is Dylan was thinking the same thing.
Maybe it was just pride. He had to finish it just to prove to everyone he could do it.
Whatever the case, it was always funny to watch.

This time was no different. He must have thought he could stand up a mast because he kept trying to balance this long log but it would only fall over.
Even Tyler chuckled under his breath when it fell over another time.
Tyler – Guys, I think I’m gonna go help him. How about I get your help tomorrow?
Luke – No problem.
Dylan and I watched Tyler approach Ian. He attempted to catch the log as it fell over. They were too far away to hear what was being said, but it was clear Ian was saying he didn’t want any help.

We started laughing and goofing around as we headed away from camp into the trees.
We chased each other for a little ways before Dylan stopped after I pushed him.
Dylan – Hey Luke, there’s something I really want to tell you.
Luke – Spit it out then, loser.
We always gave each other “mean” nicknames.
Dylan – Let’s go to the stream.
The stream was a place we found that no one else knew about. It was peaceful and beautiful. There was a waterfall about 6 feet high with a small pool below it. The waterfall only ran for a day or two after it rained, so for the most part the water at the base sat still.
Dylan and I would go to the stream to hide and be by ourselves. Not to mention to take a swim or bathe in fresh water.
And no, we weren’t greedy not sharing it.
There was a larger pond closer to camp that Tyler found where we got most of our water.
So this area was reserved for Dylan and I.

He was quiet on the walk over.
Luke – So what’s got you all choked up?
Dylan – Uh, I don’t really know how to say this.
Luke – Say what? Hey, let’s go for a swim.
Dylan – Wait. Uh.
I was completely oblivious of the serious conversation he was trying to have.
Dylan – I have wanted to say this to you for a long time.
Luke – Um, okay?
Dylan – I just wanted to say...

I had only one thought.
He was going to tell me who Zooey and Ian were.
I knew how much he wanted to keep it a secret.
I saw it in him that he was hiding something from me.
I knew he wanted to say it to me.
It was just that feeling, sort of an awkwardness that existed but what it meant left me blank.

Dylan – I think I like you.
Luke – Aw, thanks. I like you too. But what does that have anything to do with...?
Dylan – No. I mean...
I remember looking into his eyes and understanding what he meant.
Luke – Oh.
Dylan – I’m sorry.
Luke – What? Don’t be sorry.
Dylan – I don’t want to gross you out.
Luke – What, no. Trust me, you don’t gross me out.
Dylan – Ugh, I’ve never said something like that out loud.
I hadn’t told anyone of my sexuality on the island. I had no reason to. There was no one I was attracted to that I knew of.
Dylan – I feel so stupid.
Luke – Don’t. I don’t care.
I grabbed the top of his hand and made him look me in the eyes.
Luke – It’s cool man.
I never thought I’d tell anyone on the island I was gay. Even though Dylan was admitting it to me, it never crossed my mind to tell him about me.
Dylan – Agh, I can’t believe I just told you that.
Luke – You know you can tell me anything, right?
Dylan – I guess.
I had to calm him down. I could tell he was feeling really weird and this conversation needed to move on.
I really didn’t care what his sexuality was.
He was my best friend there and nothing was going to change that.
Luke – Offer’s still out there to go for a swim.
Dylan – Luke, are you gay?
I was absolutely not expecting those words out of his mouth.
I couldn’t lie to him. But I didn’t want to say the truth.
I only paused.

The look in his eyes made me say something. I couldn’t hold it in.
Luke – Yes.
His face went blank.
Dylan – Really?
Now I was feeling just as stupid as he was.
Luke – Yeah.
I looked away from him now. I couldn’t make eye contact. I didn’t want him judging me.
Dylan – Luke?

I didn’t say anything.
I don’t know if you can understand what I was thinking.
I mean some of you might. My guess is this might go under the genre of LGBT way in the future, like after everyone forgets.
So you might have some sort of an idea.
But describing it to someone who doesn’t understand, I don’t know if I can.
I’ve never had to tell anyone before.
I mean my brother told me. But that’s for another time.
But this feeling.
It’s like you hold something inside of you for so long, you become trapped by it.
It’s that jail cell surrounded by vertical steel bars, that no matter how hard you squeeze and pull and push, they don’t break. It’s all you want, to just escape it.
But then a big keychain named Dylan rattles into your life and offers to open the door.
He pulls it wide open giving you a new view.
Nothing is holding you in anymore and you can walk past the secret.
You can smell and taste the freedom of it.
Nothing is there to keep you from being yourself.
I felt for once I was able to be the real Luke that hides behind the bars.
It was freeing me.
It felt good. I felt I could do or say anything.
Dylan – Do you like me?
Except answer that.
I never thought of him as anything more than a friend.
Luke – I dunno.
Dylan – Well, I really like you.
I still didn’t say anything nor did I look at him.
Dylan – Like a lot.
My hand was still on top of his so he turned it around and locked our fingers.
Dylan – What do you think?
Luke – No.
I pulled my hand out of his.
Dylan – Why?
Luke – I just can’t.
Dylan – But why? No one needs to know. It can be our secret.
I finally gained the courage to make eye contact with him.
Luke – I’m sorry, it’s not you. You know I like you as a friend. But...
He looked so disappointed.

Dylan – You really are? I always thought you might be.
Luke – I look gay?
Dylan – No, I mean, I dunno. I mean, you look like Luke, my best friend. But I dunno. Maybe it was the part of me that wanted you. Maybe it was that part that told me you could be.
I didn’t want to look gay. At the time I wasn’t exactly proud of it. I didn’t want anyone to know.
He might have opened the jail cell, but I still wanted it covering me to everyone else.
Dylan – But why not though? I’m sorry I keep asking. But how perfect is this?
Luke – Dylan, I’m sorry.
Dylan – You really aren’t giving a reason. I can tell there is something else. Do you like me back?
Luke – I dunno.
I looked at him. I gave him a shot. For the first time I looked at him as something other than a friend. But I only wanted him to be my friend.
Dylan – Please tell me what you are thinking.
Luke – Dylan, it’s not you at all. Trust me.
Dylan – Then what is it?
Luke – Well, it’s more of a who.
Dylan – Uh, then who is it?
Luke – Derek.

Stranded 12

Today I wanted a bit of privacy.
Or maybe just some space from Sterling.
After breakfast I went to the family room and laid there watching TV.
I don’t think Sterling had any objections, because he went up to my room and I didn’t hear from him for a few hours.
I was enjoying my time alone, as I am constantly surrounded by the guy. But suddenly he was gone, leaving a bit of an empty feeling.
So by mid afternoon I decided to check on him.
I walked up the steps to my room very quietly. I was curious if I could guess what he was doing.
But there wasn’t any noise.
However, when I opened the door to my room I was kinda surprised.
He lit candles that smelled like the ocean.
He opened the windows to let the summer wind flow through the room.
And there he stood wearing an adorable suit.
I’m such a sucker for a tight suit with skinny tie.
He told me I deserved it. That he knew what I was writing about. He knew it was hard and a lot of work to remember and relive all my experiences on the island.
He went on to say he only wanted to help me remember it by bringing some of that world back here.
I don’t know where the suit came in, but I couldn’t complain.
Sure you know what happened next.
And I know it goes completely against what I’ve been saying. But this was just one of those times where he did something special for me.
This is what makes me not give up on him.
That somewhere in me I still have feelings for the guy.

And now that I’m back to writing everything down, this is when I start feeling bad about it.
I really do make him out as this horrible person.
At least to you.
He really isn’t. I just think our relationship is dwindling.
There were times, even recently when I didn’t think this way of him. When I gave him back what he wanted.
Sometimes I wonder if he remembers those times and if that is what he tries to get out of me.
It almost isn’t fair to him.
He has no idea what I’m writing, but if I flip back and read this over, I only make him out as this horny pathetic guy where the relationship is half assed on my part.

Maybe I should go back when my relationship with Sterling was still fresh. Where I wanted to hold his hand and I was proud to.
Back when I could walk out of the house with him and not be embarrassed.
There is one particular story I’m thinking of.
It’s not directly about Sterling and I. I don’t think our relationship has anything to do with my story so I’m not gonna waste your time on it. But this story was during a time when there was real magic between us.
It’s one of a few points in my life that I really want to tell you.
Now some stories you know happen and you expect me to tell you. Like when Dylan and I went walking through the trees hunting or Tyler and I slept under the stars or when I was rescued and shot the flare.
I’m not saying I don’t want to tell you. I very much do. I want to give you all those little details.
But here and there I have a couple stories you might not expect. You might not even want to hear them. But I want to tell them.
And this one in particular you already subconsciously know. It’s not exactly that hard to guess. But I need to be blunt with it and tell you, just to make it official.
Because you need to know. You need to be ready for me to tell you how and when it happened. You need to know it did and that you can’t be mad at me for not officially saying it earlier.

My name is Luke Gray and it’s time to visit the cemetery.

254 Days After Being Rescued

I don’t want to reiterate myself.
I assume you remember everything I tell you.
But when I think about it, I don’t even remember everything I write down.
Some things are kinda insignificant to the big picture and others you might not expect to mean as much. And sometimes you might not be able to pick out which you should remember.
So let me just say this one again.
Someone died in my arms.

Well this is the first time I told someone.

Sterling – You okay sweetie?
I was so nervous for this.
Luke – I’ll be okay. I have to do this.
Sterling – Well I’m gonna be right here next to you the whole time.
Luke – You better.
This is when I pulled him in for the kiss.
He put his arm around my waste keeping me close.
Sterling – I think your mom is waiting in the car for us.
Luke – I guess it’s now or never.
We released each other and headed out of my room.
We did hold hands once we reached the bottom of the stairs.
I wanted so bad to keep him close to me.
I couldn’t handle being alone for this.

It was an incredibly long car ride.
But Sterling was right there with me the whole time.
I didn’t have much to say.
And he understood that. He kept quiet too.
Mom – We are almost there. Are you sure you want to go through with this, honey?
Luke – Yeah, I need to see it. It’s the only way.

We pulled into the lot.
All three of us got out of the car.
The air felt thick and heavy like it was beating down on me.
My mom walked ahead.
My eyes followed the direction she slowly walked.
She knelt down against a stone.
She was at the grave.
Where he was laid to rest.
Where he will be forever.

Sterling put his arm around my shoulder.
I turned and looked into his eyes.
I couldn’t take it.
I dropped my head into his shoulder.
He only hugged me back.
Sterling – You don’t have to go if you don’t want.
I knew I had to. It would only help seeing it. It would make it real.

I released myself from Sterling as he walked slowly next to me.
My mom was still kneeling with her hand on the gravestone.
She was muttering something under her breath.
We reached about 15 feet away and stopped.
I looked at Sterling. He gave me half a smile.
I walked the rest of the way without him.
My mom saw me approach and backed away.

There he was.
His name written in stone.
I sat down and traced his name with my finger.
It really did happen.
When I was on the island all I ever dreamt of was coming home and seeing everyone again.
I always knew if I ever came back there would be three people waiting for me.
But there wasn’t.
There was only two.
This went completely against what I ever thought could happen.
It felt so surreal.
I mean I was told it happened.
But it was like my brother being missing.
I couldn’t believe what that meant until I saw absolute proof.
And this was the absolute proof I needed.

I had tears in my eyes.
I whispered.
Luke – Why did you have to go?
Luke – I wasn’t gone for that long. You could have waited.
I closed my eyes and remembered back to the old times.
Luke – I wish I could tell you everything.
Luke – You always listened to me. I was shy of you sometimes, but I loved you.
I remained very quiet. I sensed Sterling and my mom back off to give me space.
And I was glad.
Luke – It’s just not fair. I wish I could have been there for you.
I felt a connection sitting there above where his body was laid to rest. I knew he could hear me.
Luke – Or at least with you. You didn’t deserve to be alone.
And for some reason, I began to tell him.
Luke – It wasn’t completely horrible for me. It was an experience you could never imagine. But I’m sure you would have been proud of me.
Luke – I only wish I could have brought you and had you there with me.
Luke – But don’t worry, I wasn’t completely alone like everyone thinks.
Luke – There was more than Tyler and I on the island.
Tyler and I never told anyone that more than him and I survived the crash.
Luke – There were seven of us.
Luke – We all survived the crash.
Luke – I couldn’t tell anyone.
Luke – But you need to know and I want to tell you.
Luke – I found the love of my life there.
Luke – But he hates me now and I don’t know why.
Luke – And I made a new best friend on the island. His name was Dylan.
Both my eyes filled to capacity with tear drops.
Luke – But maybe you can meet him, because he’s where you are.
Luke – He died.

Both eyes burst and gushed tears.
Luke – I was with him when he died.
Luke – There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t let go of him.
Luke – But he looked okay with it. His eyes showed it was okay and that he wasn’t scared and I shouldn’t be either.
Luke – Just promise me you will find him and tell him I made it off the island.

Luke – And tell him I miss him.

Luke – And that I love him.

Stranded 11

There’s something I need to remind you about. See in general I am only going to be telling you about the important days of my time on the island.
I’ll point out what I remember most. Which events had the greatest impression on me.
However, to truly understand what it was like I must say this:
I was stranded for 762 days.
That’s over two years.
Two years of waking up by the ocean, hearing only the sounds of nature around me, being with only seven people. Doing the same thing over and over again.
Searching for food, bringing it back, cooking it, and of course hanging out and taking it easy.
Now I’m not saying it was horrible. Sure there were ups and downs, but a lot of the days were very similar and it is impossible to decipher entire weeks and months of my life.
I can’t give you every little detail of every single day.
So my plan is to tell you as much as I can without boring you.
Now, I do remember what happened when we made that first fire.
How we angled and stacked the logs. How we lit the massive pieces of lumber.
It’s all clear to me.
But do you really care?
Probably not.
So I’ll tell you a bit of what happened later that day and then we’ll jump in about a week later.

Zooey eventually came back with Ian. Dylan trailed behind, only looking at the ground. He never looked up until he was back at the fire.
They never said where they were for all that time.
But I could only guess given Dylan’s expression.
The four of us built the signal fire for the rest of the day.
Tyler and Ian led while both Dylan and I tailed our respective search companion.
We never had an opportunity to say anything to each other.
And I wasn’t sure if he even wanted to say anything to me. But given how intimidated and scared he looked, I only wanted to forgive him. I wanted to pull him aside and tell him it was okay.
But eventually the first fire was lit and Tyler called it a day.
I casually waited around and stared into the fire.
Everyone else walked off, but Dylan stayed.
It was the same scenario as with Tyler, I was sitting on a log and Dylan sat right next to me.
He started by apologizing. He didn’t apologize for anything in specific, but only said he was sorry.
I didn’t say much back, but it was actually easy to accept the apology.
Instead of saying anything, I grabbed his hand and put it up to the partial palm print left on my shirt.
He smiled and instantly we were back to being friends.

My name is Luke Gray and I had to find out who Dylan was.

751 days Before Being Rescued

So I’m skipping a week, don’t hate me.
Honestly nothing happened during that time.
We literally spent it meeting and getting to know each other. Tyler created plans to set up a town and designate areas. He called it zoning.
We had sleeping areas, eating and cooking areas, and relaxing and personal zones.
Dylan and I actually claimed an area where we both slept.
And not like that...
We were only friends. Just really good friends.

I don’t want to bore you with the mundane details that really don’t affect anything.
I could probably skip ahead another few months to be honest with you.
Everything ran so smoothly at the beginning.
Tyler was the unofficial leader and he was good at it. Everyone went to him for advice or to ask what they could do.
Dylan and I did everything together. Our main job was to hunt and fish. Dylan taught me and I was surprisingly good at it.
I think what Dylan liked the most about our task was he and I got away from everyone else. He didn’t have to listen to Ian. He didn’t have to be yelled at.

This day was just like any other day. Dylan and I were preparing to go out hunting.
Hayden always asked what she could do to help before we left. She was very nice about it, but Dylan always seemed irritated. Like he could do it himself. I was never sure what he had against her. It never bothered me enough to ask him.
Hayden usually took what we brought back and prepared and cooked it. I was completely cool with it, as it gave me time to just relax or help Tyler in building the huts.
Dylan was off doing something by himself preparing for the day as Hayden approached me.
I am pretty sure this was our first one on one conversation.
Hayden – How you doing today?
Luke – Um, fine, thanks.
Hayden – Seems like you and Dylan have bonded pretty well.
Luke – Yeah, we have.
Hayden – And the same with you and Tyler. I’ve watched the two of you together building. Tyler definitely is much more productive when you are around.
Productive? It was such a random remark. I had no idea what she getting at.
Luke – Is he?
Hayden – Yeah, well who knows, maybe it’s just that Ian and him don’t exactly click like you two.
This always left me wondering. Well not right away. But after it was just Tyler and I. Did other others guess about us?
Was it obvious or destiny?
Which reminds me. I need to tell you how I responded to Tyler’s request on the phone.
Eh, I’ll tell you later.
Luke – Um, I guess. I just do what he tells me.
Hayden – Well what do you think of him?
Luke – Who? Tyler?
Hayden – Yeah.
Luke – He’s nice.
And that was all I did consciously think of him.
Hayden – Yeah he sure is.
Tyler walked by the two us.
Hayden – Hi Tyler.
He signaled good morning and continued on.
Something weird was going on.
She had a particular look in her eyes. Like I wasn’t there.
Her focus was in the direction Tyler went as she had all her weight on one leg.
Luke – Well then.
Hayden – Oh, sorry. I guess you’ll be heading off.
Luke – Yeah, see ya later.

Dylan – I think we should head northeast today.
Luke – Okay, I got this. It is that way.
I pointed in the direction I thought was northeast.
Dylan – Good, see you are learning.
Luke – Well you are a good teacher.
Dylan always liked being complimented. I’m pretty sure it had to do with never receiving any from Ian or Zooey.
That got me curious.
I had to know. Who were Ian and Zooey to Dylan? Why did they treat him so poorly? And why did he act so different in front of them?
There had to be some story, some reason why he was so afraid of them.
And I knew he was avoiding the topic.
He knew I was going to ask sooner or later, but he never gave me the time to question him. Anytime there was a bit of silence, he immediately started a conversation or pushed me to get us playing around.
So I had to do it when he wasn’t ready for it.
And right now he was looking around trying to figure out where specifically we should end up.
Luke – Dylan, I want to ask you something.
He looked cautious.
I rarely said something like that to him. We were friends so instantly that we never had to declare we were about to do something. Everything was so natural. If we had a question, it just came out. If we wanted something, we took it.
We were just really good friends from the beginning.
I’m pretty sure he knew what I was going to ask him. But he definitely didn’t have any idea what to say.
Luke – Is Zooey your mom?
Dylan – Um. Well, no.
Luke – You seem so unsure of it.
Dylan – She isn’t.
Luke – And Ian?
Dylan – Well he’s not my mom.
Luke – Ha. I know that.
Dylan – Hey, let’s keep going. I don’t want to miss the herds.
Luke – Dylan.
I grabbed his arm and made him stop.
Luke – Why do you let him treat you like that?
Dylan – I dunno.
He wasn’t looking at me. He was acting like he was interested in something else.
Luke – It’s not right.
Dylan – I don’t mind.
Luke – Dylan.
Dylan – What?
Luke – Who is Ian?
Dylan – He’s Zooey’s boyfriend.
Luke – Than why do you take that from him?
He didn’t respond immediately.
He looked like he was trying to come up with something to say.
Dylan – I don’t know.
Luke – Hey, stop avoiding the question. You can trust me.
Dylan – I know. I do trust you.
He turned and kept walking.
Luke – Dylan!
Dylan – Can you just trust me with it? I don’t really have much else to say about it.
Luke – But I hate seeing him treat you like that. If he isn’t your father, than he shouldn’t be that way to you. And why doesn’t Zooey stand up for you? Where are your real parents?
He didn’t say anything.
Luke – And who is Zooey to you?
Dylan – She is Zooey.
Luke – I know that. But are you family? Or just friends?
Dylan – Something like that.
Luke – Why won’t you tell me?
Dylan – She’s like my sister.
Luke – Like or is?
Dylan – Uh, she is.
I could tell he was just making things up on the spot. He only wanted to get me to shut up and stop asking all the questions.
So I gave in. Even though I wanted to know more, I knew he didn’t want to tell me.
I didn’t believe Zooey was his sister. Not the way she was so attached to him when she first saw him. She had feelings like a mother.
But why would he lie and say she isn’t his mom? It didn’t make sense.
Dylan – Look, Zooey can seem like a really nice person sometimes. But you can’t trust her.
Luke – Why not?
Dylan – Just trust me. She is not a good person.