Stranded 3

I feel bad for this. 

Sterling was doing his thing.  Well doing my thing.  But as I stared at the ceiling my mind was elsewhere.

It was on something I haven’t thought of in ages.

And I don’t know what made me think of it.

Maybe it has something to do with seeing Derek a few days ago.  I dunno.

Whatever the reason, the memories were back.

I mean, thinking about it is horrible and for the longest time, every step I took made me relive it.

It took ages to push to the back of my mind.

But it is one of those things, those horrific experiences that you can never truly forget.

And you don’t want to, because it makes you a better person knowing you’ve gone through it.



My name is Luke Gray and someone died in my arms.



407 after being rescued.



I never told anyone that before.

Well I still haven’t.  You haven’t read this yet.  Only two people in the world know I watched someone die. 

And one of them is dead.

The other I’m sure you can guess.



I can try to put what that was like into words, but I will fail.

It is not possible.

The emotion, the feeling of someone’s body giving up, gradually going cold.

I can’t describe it.

And I never want to.



But why?

And how?

What was it that brought this person to me?  The energy and strength to make it to me in that condition.

Why me?

Why did it have to be me?

There were seven of us on that island.  What was so special about me?

I was just Luke Gray, the quiet guy that never caused any trouble, always doing what I was told.

What was it that made him come to me?

I can only guess.

My dreams tell me why, but that can’t be the reason.  I refuse to believe it.  I can’t be that important to someone.  I’m just Luke Gray, there is nothing amazing about me.

If there is something about me, why have I not seen Tyler in over a year?

Didn’t I make him happy?

Wasn’t I something to him?

I thought I was.

He told me I was.

But obviously I wasn’t.  I am not that type of person.  No one thinks of me that way.



It all brings me back to guessing what happened.

And one person might know.

Tyler Carson.



Oh Tyler.  What did I do?  Why does it have to be this way?

Don’t you still want me?

I miss you so much, you don’t understand.

I closed my eyes and took myself back to the island.

I took us back to the beach.

Under the stars, where Tyler and I would lay in each other’s arms all through the night.

We would hold each other in a way that made me at home no matter where we were.

I imagined him being right next to me, available for me to do anything I wished.

Just his grip on me. 

I could feel it.

I started thrusting forward.

I felt myself go harder than I have in a long time.

I moaned out loud.  My whole body tensed up.

I kept going until it shot out all over.

And then I felt something wet stroke my stomach.

Sterling – Wow dude.

Luke – Jesus.

Sterling – What?

Damn it.

Luke – Nothing.

Sterling – I haven’t seen you get like that in a month.

I looked down at him.  I ran my fingers through his hair.

He wasn’t ugly or anything.  I mean most guys would like him.  He could satisfy anyone.  And he was sweet and romantic.  And he cared.

But he wasn’t Tyler.

He was cleaning up, but his eyes were waiting for a response.  I knew what he wanted to hear.  But after that, was it right to say it?  To continue this lie?

Fuck it.

Luke – You’re just that beautiful.

Whatever.  It’s not exactly a lie.  He is gorgeous. 

It’s not his fault he wasn’t really what I was getting off about.

Ugh, now you are judging me again.

Why do I feel so bad about this?

Please, if there is such a thing as time travel please come and tell me what I should do.

I’ll wait.



Hmm, I guess no time travel.

Shucks, spoilers about the future.



Sterling was too into whatever he thought was between us to give a damn that I didn’t have an honest face when I said that.

So remember I said I’d point out the crucial people in my life that dictate my story?  Well sometimes I wonder if he is one of them.

At this point I have no idea. 

When it ends, will I miss him?  Will he drive me mad?  Will he cause me or help me to find out what happened?  Maybe he is more important than I think.

Maybe he will do something that is so amazing it changes my thoughts of him.

Maybe the two of us will go on our own adventure that leaves me only wanting him.

All I can say, as of right now, it doesn’t seem he is all too important to the story.



We both got up and showered.

And no, not together, I wanted to be alone for a little bit.

It gave me time to properly think without distraction.

Why do I get this way when I think about Tyler?  Why can’t I get over him?

I’m in a new situation, a new relationship, a new environment, a better environment.  Yet all I dream about is being back on the island.



What is it that makes me want to go back?

Is it Tyler?

Do I miss what we had?

What really irks my stomach is guessing what Tyler actually thinks of me.  All that time it couldn’t have been fake.  Was he scared to go back?  Did he not want to go back to his old life?  Was he afraid to bring his new life back with him?

But how did he make that decision so instantaneously?

If I really meant something to him, how could he push me away like that, so nonchalantly, without regret, and no attempts to contact me?

That is how I know I didn’t mean anything to him.  And by now, I should accept that.  In my mind, I did.  I know we won’t ever be together.

But my heart.



See my heart still wants him, but that isn’t my only body part that is in need of him.  My mind needs him.  I need to know what happened.  I am left with the same curiosity that has paparazzi following me around.

I wish I knew what to do.

I have debated this countless times.

Do I have the courage to do it?  I survived a plane crash, a death famine, being rescued, yet I lack the courage to do this.

I checked to make sure Sterling was still showering.

The water was still running and he takes at least twenty minutes to fix up his hair after the water stops.

I went to my desk drawer.

I pushed around all the pencils and papers and crap that develop over time.

There it was.



Tyler Carson’s cell phone number.