Stranded 10

Tyler replaced Dylan as my tour guide.
I don’t really have much to say about it. 
Because that night, only Hayden was there.
Paul was still out hunting or searching and Ian took Zooey and Dylan off somewhere that Tyler wasn’t aware of.
I don’t know what I was so worried about.  There wasn’t really that many people and it wasn’t awkward to meet Hayden.
That night was quiet and calm. 
It was enjoyable, but nothing like the previous night with Dylan.
I remember being extremely tired, but for some reason I didn’t want to go to sleep.  I wanted to stay up and continue listening to Tyler’s stories.
But eventually he insisted I go to sleep, because I kept dozing and then pretending I wasn’t tired.
He said I was still recovering and needed to take it easy.
Which was bogus, because I spent the previous few days walking up and down the shoreline.
But somewhere along the line, I did drift off.

My name is Luke Gray and this was the start of my new family.

759 days before being rescued.

This was the first day I didn’t wake up next to Dylan.
I didn’t have to wait around for him to wake up.
I didn’t have to pretend I was still asleep to avoid meeting someone.
It didn’t matter.
So when my eyes opened, I sat up and observed what was around me.
I thought Tyler slept near me or maybe he was already awake.
Either way, he wasn’t there.
Hayden was asleep the same way Dylan was.
But I had no interest in waiting for her.
I had no connection, no feelings.
And it’s not like she was some cute guy there for me to stare at.
Well it’s not like I was thinking that then.
I had no interest in anyone else.
I was happy with what I had.
So I stood up and walked just out to where the ocean waves couldn’t reach. 
I didn’t feel dirty or a desire to take a swim and there was certainly no chance of me risking myself exposed to some strange girl I only just met.
So I slowly strolled up and down the beach, waiting for someone to come back.

Tyler – Hey dude, good your up.
Tyler casually walked up to me with the same accepting smile he always had.
Luke – Yeah, I have been for a little bit.
Tyler – Great, well do you want to help us?
Luke – Sure, with what?
Tyler – We are trying to gather logs to make a signal fire.
Luke – Sounds like a good idea.
Tyler – Yeah, I figured we make at least two.  Hopefully one we can light immediately and just keep it going as long as possible.  Because who knows if they are searching for us.  But, we should give them at bit of help.
Luke – Yeah, definitely.
Tyler – And then the second one will be a back up so that in the future anytime we see something, we can light it right away.
Luke – Cool, so what do you want me to do?
Tyler – Let’s go meet up with the others and see what the status is.
The “others” meant only one thing.
Ian and Dylan.
Neither of which I was all too thrilled about seeing.
At the time, Ian scared me.  Especially because the only time I’d ever met him was during his freak out at Dylan.  Which made me not want to confront Dylan because I had no idea what to say.
Luke – Alright, I guess I’ll follow you.
I stayed close to him.
It’s not that I was scared of the place.  I was on my own plenty of times, but people were what intimidated me.

We walked a bit up the beach around a bend and I saw a bunch of large logs already gathered and laid out in line.

Tyler – So this is where we are gonna set up the fire.
He turned towards me and opened his arms like he was showing me some massive project he has been working on for ages.
Luke – Okay, cool.
Tyler – Isn’t this awesome here?  I’m voting we set up camp in this bay.
He was right.  It was a cove with smaller waves, which protected us.  The mountain on the island was clearly visible, so from all sides it was very scenic.
Luke – It’s great. 
Tyler – So that’s two votes?
Luke – Uh yeah, sure. 
Tyler was always big on democracy.  He thought everyone should be happy.
Tyler – Well it looks Dylan and Ian are out searching for more good wood, so we might as well form our own search party.
Luke – Okay.
I had no problem with that.  Tyler was the one that scared me the least at this point.  So I wasn’t leaving his side.
Tyler – The logs can get pretty big, so we’ll both carry a side when we find a fallen tree, but for now, let’s split up and survey the area for where some decent ones are.
That was not exactly what I wanted to hear, but there was no sign anyone else was near.
So I did what I was told.  I searched the grounds for fallen logs.
I think this was the first time I was really on my own.  Every other time, I was only waiting for someone else. 
I remember feeling very useful, that Tyler trusted me and treated me like I was just some normal guy.

We both found logs and spent the next few hours hauling them back.
Eventually Tyler had us stop and rest.

Okay, let’s talk some.
Crushes.
We all have them.
They do some weird things to our minds.
They distract us.  They make us shy.  They make us awkward.
And they us make hard.
Well not always.
Sometimes we don’t even know we have one.
And this was one of those times.
Tyler.
You and I both know I developed a major crush on him.
But one thing I always wondered is when it started.
Was it when I first opened my eyes and saw his face?
Was it when he walked all the way up the beach to “rescue” me?
Or was it some other time?
It probably doesn’t matter, but it has always left me curious.
After a lot of debate, I think it was this point in time, right here, when it first started.
And I didn’t realize it, because I didn’t want it to happen.
I didn’t think I could like anyone else.

I sat on one of the logs after Tyler decided to take a break.
Tyler stretched out his back and arms so he flexed and unintentionally showed off his muscles in front of me.
And he had no shirt on.
Now as a shy 14 year old, I didn’t really know what the heck I liked in a guy, but it got my attention.
It’s hard to explain to you what I was thinking at the time.
Because now I know.  I was getting turned on.
And then Tyler sat right next to me, so our bodies were inches away.
It made my body tingle.
He was so casual about it.  There were tons of other places to sit.
We had about a dozen logs all spread out ready to be stacked, but he chose to sit right next to me.
And he just carried on a normal conversation, like sitting so close to me was no big deal.
It was very distracting, but I was my normal shy self, so he probably didn’t notice anything from me.

Zooey – Have you seen Dylan or Ian at all today?
Zooey broke our conversation.
Tyler – Yeah, they were helping find logs for the fire.  They went off somewhere a couple hours ago.
Zooey – Oh, well I woke up and both were gone.
Tyler – Hmm, that weird.
Zooey – Oh, Hi, I’m Zooey.
She put her hand out and officially introduced herself to me.
Luke – I’m Luke.
Zooey – Sorry about yesterday if we frightened you, but I was afraid Dylan was lost.
Luke – It’s okay.
It was a lie, it wasn’t okay.  My mind was scared from it.  But she didn’t need to know about it.  And it didn’t take me that long to get over it anyway.
Zooey – You know what else?  Where is Paul?  I haven’t seen him since the first day.
Tyler – That’s an interesting point.  I thought he was just out exploring, so I didn’t think much of it.
Zooey – When was the last time you talked to him?
Tyler – I dunno, I mean he was friendly and helpful that first day, but we were all so frantic, I didn’t take note of what he was saying.
Zooey – Do you think we should be out looking for him?
Tyler – Uh, well at this point, I think we really need to get this fire going.
Zooey – Yeah, that makes sense.  I guess I can look for him along with my guys.
Tyler – Sounds good.
Zooey – Good work, you two.
She smiled at both of us as she made individual eye contact.  This definitely made me feel better about her.
Zooey – Well it was nice to officially meet you, Luke.
Luke – Likewise.

Tyler – There is something about Ian that makes me nervous.
At least we were both thinking the same thing.
Tyler – I saw it in Dylan’s face that he didn’t like him.  It showed me I should be cautious of the guy.  And then he disappears like this away from his girlfriend or wife.  You know, I have no idea the dynamics of them.
Luke – Yeah, I didn’t even know Dylan was with anyone while we were looking for my brother.  He never mentioned it.
Tyler – That’s really weird.  Well, I guess we should get back to work.  How about we just get started on stacking these logs since it seems our help is not around.
Luke – Sure.
Tyler stood up and offered his hand to help me up.

Stranded 9

That look in Dylan’s eyes.
He was scared of me.
Scared of what I would say.
How I would take it.
Would I still accept him?
He was looking at me for some hint that I was okay with it.
But at the time, no, I wasn’t.
I was scared.  I didn’t know where I was.
He was my only friend.
And suddenly he was dehumanized by a complete stranger.
A terrifying stranger.
How else was I supposed to look back at him?
Give him my approval to be treated like that?
I couldn’t do it.
But I knew I had to.
Because the second I saw him again I had to tell him it was okay.
That I wouldn’t hold it against him.
That I wasn’t scared of him.
That he could come to me and I would protect him.
That he was my blood shirt brother and we were there for each other.
Too bad I didn’t see it that way.
I wasn’t brave.
I was scared of Dylan.

My name is Luke Gray and I am about to find motivation from an unlikely source.

412 days after being rescued.

Sterling – What have you been doing with that journal?
Luke – What? It’s a journal.
Sterling – Yeah, but it’s like you completely forgot about the world around you and are so concerned with whatever you are writing.
Was I?  It’s probably true.  All I have done the past couple days is work on writing this story. 
Sterling – It’s like you forgot me.
I looked back at his face, he looked sad and disappointed in me.  Like he wanted me to come and sit with him.
You know, that puppy dog face that little girls use on their dad.
Luke – I could never forget you.
I put down the pencil and walked over to him.
He was sitting on the couch with a blanket over his legs watching an old rerun of something I didn’t care about.
He lifted the blanket as I snuggled up next to him.
He adjusted his body to face me and put his arm around my stomach gripping my side.
Luke – Agh, you are tickling me again.
Sterling – I know.
He smiled at me.
Luke – Then why do you always do it?
Sterling – Cause I like to.
Luke – Yeah well, I ...
He let go and moved his hand to my face.  He turned my head to face his as he pulled me in for a kiss.

See here’s my thing. 
And no, not my thing.
Get your mind out of the gutter.  I’m trying to stay clean here.
My thing is I don’t want to make this a porno. 
But right now, I was done with Sterling.  I didn’t want to go any further than using his warmth for comfort.
But he obviously wanted more.
I had to come up with a way to dodge it.

And you and I both know what I should do.
But is now the right time?

I quickly jumped up like I just remembered something.
Sterling – What is it?  Did I do something wrong?
Luke – No, I just remembered I need to take care of something.
I quickly left the room and stopped right outside to listen if he was following.
His head popped out.
Sterling – What?  Stand in the hall?
Agh.  Go play with yourself.
Luke – Um, I realized I need to get something.
I walked back into my room and opened the desk drawer.  I pulled out Tyler’s number.
Sterling – What’s that?
Luke – It’s a piece of paper.
Sterling – I know that.
He reached for the paper.  But I moved my hand out of his range.
Sterling – What is on it?
Luke – Nothing.
Sterling – Then why can’t I see it?
Luke – It’s a phone number.
Sterling – Who’s?
Luke – Just no one’s.
He gave me a look that he knew I was lying.  Which surprised me because I didn’t think he could tell when I was. 
Luke – I’ll tell you later.  I just need to call someone.
Sterling – You promise?
Luke – Yes, can you let me go?
Sterling – Pinky swear?
I rolled my eyes at him for being so corny.
Luke – Pinky swear.
Our fingers touched as he quickly leaned in and pecked my lips.
Sterling – Good.
He backed off and directed his attention back to the television.

I guess I have to do it.  Especially because I am writing everything down now.  I think you’ve had enough of Dylan and I.  You want to know what is happening right here today.
Plus Sterling is going to start snooping around to find this number if I don’t give him exact details of the call.
Which means I need to come up with something clever to hide what the conversation really is.
So I should probably just call him to get ideas.
What else do I have to loose?

I dialed the numbers in my cell phone one at a time verifying each was correct.
Why am I stalling so much with this?
This is stupid.
I pushed send and placed the phone against my ear.

It started ringing.

Tyler – Hello?
Whoa, his voice.
Tyler – Hello, who is this?
Luke – Hi.
Tyler – Who is this?  This is a private number.  You can’t call here.
Luke – Tyler?
Tyler – Yes, this is Tyler, what do you want?
Luke – It’s me.
I waited.  He didn’t snap back at me right away.
His voice was more subtle.
Tyler – What do you want?
I had no idea what to say.
My plan was to call him and take it from there.
Luke – Do you know who this is?
Tyler – Yes.
Okay, now say something else.
Luke – How are you?
Tyler – I’m fine.  How did you get this number?
Luke – Someone gave it to me.
Tyler – Who?
He didn’t need to know that.
I was quiet for a minute.  He was as well.
Luke – Tyler?
Tyler – Yes?
Luke – I miss you.
Tyler – Luke.
Oh that gave me a chill, hearing him say my name again.
Tyler – Why are you calling me?
Luke – I wanted to talk to you.
Tyler – What is there to say?  We were rescued.  That is all we ever wanted.
Luke – Tyler, you can’t be that naïve.
Tyler – Luke, what do you want from me?
Luke – Can I see you?
Tyler – What?!  Are you kidding me?  You just call me unannounced like this and expect us to become friends again.  Instantly.  Well it doesn’t work like that.
All I ever tell you is that my eyes tear.  You must think of me as the biggest baby.  But those words did it to me.
I remained silent.
Tyler – I’m sorry.  But Luke, I really have nothing to offer you.
Luke – Please.
Tyler – I’m sorry.
Luke – Tyler, I didn’t have this planned.  I’m not trying to stalk you.  I’ve had your number for a long time.  But I was thinking about Dylan and I wanted to talk to you.
Tyler – No.  I am not telling you.  I can’t.
Luke – Why?
Tyler – I just can’t.  I can’t relive it.  You wouldn’t understand.
Luke – How can you say that?!  You know what I saw.  You know how helpless I felt.
He didn’t say anything immediately.
Tyler – I know.
Luke – Then can you tell me?
Tyler – I don’t know.
Luke – Can you tell me in person?  Please, just one time.  That’s all I ask.
Tyler – No. 
Luke – Why not?  Why are you so afraid of me?
Tyler – I’m not.
Luke – Yes you are!  It’s like I embarrass you.  The second you knew we were to be rescued you pushed me away.
Tyler – You do not embarrass me.
Luke – Then why did you deny it?
Tyler – I don’t know.
Luke – Yes you do!  You had this planned from the beginning.
Tyler – What?  No...
Luke – How else could you decide so instantaneously?
Tyler – It wasn’t like that.
Luke – Yeah, whatever.
I waited for him to explain.
Tyler – Luke.
I didn’t say anything.
Tyler – I’m sorry.
Luke – Then tell me what happened.
Tyler – Come see me.
Luke – Really?
Tyler – I have something to give you.
Luke – You do?
Tyler – It belongs to you.
Luke – Okay?
Tyler – But you have to promise me one thing.
Luke – Anything.
Tyler – If I give this to you, you have to promise to never contact me again.

Stranded 8

So what else could I do?
Dylan was my ticket for an introduction to everyone.  I didn’t know anyone else.  I didn’t know what to say. 
I only wanted him to come back and save me.
So, I sat against a tree and heard that man’s angry voice ringing those horrible words at Dylan.
It made me angry.
It showed me Dylan lied to me and didn’t tell me he had a family there. 
Well I never asked.  I kept forgetting to.  So I guess it’s not really his fault. 
Because you saw them, who would want to mention a father that hits you and calls you a pathetic retard?
Well was that even his father?
I didn’t know.  All I did know was I didn’t feel comfortable continuing the journey back without Dylan.
So I wasn’t going anywhere.

My name is Luke Gray and I waited to be rescued.

760 days before being rescued.

Tyler – Hey dude.
I watched Tyler walk all the way up to me from way down the beach. 
Luke – Hi.
Tyler – How’s your head?
Luke – It’s fine.
Tyler – No headache or anything?
He grabbed my head without asking and moved my hair so he could look at it.
Luke – No, it’s gone down.
I let him examine me.
Tyler – I’m glad.
He sat down next to me facing the ocean.
Tyler – I heard about Ian’s freak out.
Luke – Oh.  Yeah.
I didn’t know what else to say. 

So it’s time for another introduction.

Ian.
That bastard.
I hate him and blame him for way too much.  But he is without a doubt one of the most crucial people who affected my story of the island.
But as much as I hate him, I sort of have gratitude for him.
And it sounds horrible, it really does.  I contemplated actually writing this down.  But it has to be said.  Everything here has to be the truth.
If he weren’t there, I would never have had Tyler to myself for all that time.
It would have been all of us being rescued.
Well I can’t say that for sure.  I don’t know what happened.  Only Tyler does.
But I can be sure that we would have all been together when it did.  And we could have helped each other.  We could have stopped it.
And I would know what did happen.
But that’s beside the point.
I’m talking about Ian here.
Who exactly is he?
That I never really found out.
He was nice.
But he was also a jerk.
He was, as I know it now, bipolar.
One minute he was friendly, he cared for Dylan and Zooey, and he did his task in helping our group.
But then his mood swings came in and all hell broke loose.
He fought and argued and caused turmoil that I can only guess caused everything to happen as it did.

What else can I say about him?
I dunno.  I don’t want to give away too much up front.
Just as River Song once told the doctor:
Spoilers.

Tyler – Poor Dylan.
That got my attention, as I was worried about what that man, Ian, was going to do to him.
I looked at Tyler.
Tyler - The kid came back literally shaking.  I don’t know what their relationship is, but I wish I could separate them for a bit.
Luke – Is he okay?
Tyler – Who, Dylan?  Yeah, he’s a tough little guy.  Pretty sweet actually.  The way he offered to look after you.
Luke – Yeah.  Wait, he offered?
Tyler – Yeah, without thinking twice.
Luke – Oh, he said you asked him to.
Tyler – Well when he said he would, I was fine with it.  But I wasn’t about to ask a kid his age to sit around and play nurse.
I always wondered about that.  Dylan was just a good, caring person.  But how could he just give up exploring this brand new world to help a complete stranger?
Tyler – So where did you two go, anyway?
Luke – Uh, we were looking for my brother.
Tyler – Aw, really?  Your brother was on the plane?
Luke – Yeah.
Tyler – Oh man, wow.
Luke – So I take it you didn’t find him?
I knew the answer before I even asked it.
Tyler only looked back at me with a look of sorrow and concern.
A rim of tears pooled in each eye until they cusped and ran down my cheeks and dripped from my chin.
I didn’t wipe either off.
It would be like wiping away my brother.

The thing is, I don’t think I want to spend the time explaining how I was feeling about my brother.  I think I just need to leave a lot of it out, because you can guess what I was feeling.
My brother was missing.
At the time, I was in denial about it.  I was only away from him as I was away from my mom and dad.  I hadn’t seen any of them in two days, so it was like a short vacation.
It would take time, but it slowly became more of a reality that I wasn’t going to see my family for a very long time.
And my brother being dead.
I could never admit to it, because I might as well admit to my parents being dead.  It was the same story for all of them.

We sat in silence for probably fifteen minutes.
There wasn’t anything to say.
And I knew Tyler wasn’t going to say anything.  I could tell he was the type who would sit with me, giving me all the time I needed.
But it was too upsetting.
I had to break the silence.
Luke – So who else is there?
His voice was very calm and soothing.
Tyler – Well, there is seven of us that I know of.  There’s Dylan, Ian, and Zooey, who you’ve met.

Okay, more introductions.

Zooey.

Zooey was an interesting person.  She was Ian’s girlfriend.
She was sweet and cared about everyone.  But Dylan always told me I couldn’t trust her.
It was Dylan who made me feel weird about her.
So her importance to the story: it’s definitely not as high as Ian.
And I’m not trying to rank people in terms of anything.
I’m just telling you who affected my story the most.
Zooey was mainly a good person who I only had mixed feelings about because of Dylan.
And of course the fact that she could be in a relationship with someone like Ian.

Tyler – And two others you haven’t met: Hayden and Paul.

Hayden.

Hayden is on the same level as Zooey.
To me, she was just another friendly face on the island.
But what she was could be considered a catalyst to my future relationship with Tyler.
What I saw happen to her, it really made me want Tyler even more.  Way before he was mine.  Before he even knew he wanted me.
Ugh.  I need to call him.

And Paul.

I wish I could say more about Paul.
He was one of the most important on the island because he proved to me what type of person Tyler was.
He brought out that leader, that concerned and caring person that Tyler really was.  That person that could never forgive himself for what happened.

Tyler – So that is five, which leaves you and me as six and seven.

And let’s just make it official.
Tyler deserves an introduction.

Tyler Carson.

The man that I fell in love with.
The man that I dreamt about.
The man that loved me back.
The man who I shared everything with.
The man who gave it all up.
That is Tyler Carson.

Tyler – So you ready to go meet everyone?
Luke – I guess so.

So now you know everyone from the island.
All seven of us.

Stranded 7

That day was what brought me back to reality. It made me aware of Dylan and the friendship he was offering. But that night is when we really proved to ourselves that we can be really good friends.
And my little dork stunt, I quickly learned that Dylan really appreciated it.
He told me he wanted to give up on me a few times. But he didn’t know how to and didn’t want to because he wanted to help me. He was concerned about my sanity, as I wasn’t making healthy decisions. He couldn’t have it on his conscience that he left me in that condition all alone.
But I was glad he stayed.
He set up a fire and we sat next to the warmth right on the beach. This is where the sound of the ocean started to change to the better for me.
The mixture of ocean waves and fire crackling with stars reflecting on the vast ocean.
It was brilliant.
The two of us stayed up for hours telling stories and laughing about anything.
We were like long lost friends reminiscing about old times.

My name is Luke Gray and I was in my remote utopia.

760 Before Being Rescued.

I again woke up before Dylan. I didn’t have to pretend I was asleep because there was no one around to hide from.
My initial thought was to clean myself off. That is what I did everyday of my life. But there were no showers on a deserted island.
And if Dylan was sleeping in like the previous day, I knew I had plenty of time.
I stripped down and went for an early morning swim in the ocean. I actually spent probably half an hour just floating on my back.
The sun wasn’t up all the way so I didn’t have to worry about burning myself. I was able to entirely close my mind and take in this world’s beauty.
I had nothing else to do.
It’s interesting how quickly you come up with ways to entertain yourself without a computer or television. The simple things are so much more amazing than you can even imagine.
It’s taking everything slow.
It’s watching the little things.
The things that are ignored in the fast pace world that exists far from the island.

You are probably thinking I got caught by Dylan swimming nude.
It sure seems like something that would happen in a normal book or TV show. But this is real. Stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life.
I walked all the way back up to him, air dried myself, and put my clothes back on.
I wasn’t particularly quiet about it either. I had no problem trying to wake him up to get our search back on.
But he wasn’t budging.
So this time it was my turn to be helpful. I went to find some food.
And at that time, the only food I knew of was bananas.
Which were high up in a tree.
So it was now or never. I had to learn to climb a tree.
To my surprise it wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. I mean I don’t weigh all that much. I’m a relatively skinny guy, so climbing was pretty much intuitive.
The only reason I thought it would be so much more challenging was that I was raised to not be a risk taker. The slight chance of injuring myself was so pressed into my mind, it limited me from doing such a simple task that I was soon to spend two years of my life doing.
In other words, I picked the bananas and brought them back to what was left of the campfire. I rested them near Dylan so once he woke up, he would be happily surprised. It was all I could do. But his ‘breakfast in bed’ was my way of thanking him for everything.

The sunlight broke through a gap in the trees as its intensity haltered Dylan’s dreaming. He yawned and stretched out his arms sitting up and staring out into the ocean.
I was sitting near him on the other side of the blackened timber residue of the campfire.
Dylan – I could get use to this.
Luke – Get used to what?
Dylan – Waking up to the sound of the ocean.
Luke – I think we are gonna have to.
He put on that face he always had where you knew he was happy. There was no question about it.
Luke – I picked us some bananas.
I pointed to his opposite side.
He was pleasantly surprised. He thanked me and asked how I got them. I explained I was a quick learner.
It didn’t take us too long to get ready to go. Dylan took a quick swim, just as I did. I remember watching his antics for that first time. He was always that sweet childish boy with an intelligent, but shy mind stuffed in his head.
He didn’t have the pleasure of going nude because I was awake, so he slipped on his jeans over a pair of wet boxers.
Dylan – Nothing like a morning swim to start off our quest.
He buttoned and zipped his jeans and started walking in the same direction we headed yesterday.
Luke – Hey, Dylan, I was thinking. Why are we looking so far in this direction? Maybe the others found him and are now looking for you and I.
Dylan – Oh. Yeah, maybe.
The tone of his response surprised me. He sounded disappointed, like I was letting him down.
Luke – Do you think we should just head back and check in with everyone?
He quickly went back to being upbeat.
Dylan – It’s not a bad idea. And we did sort of just disappear. They could be looking for us.
Luke – So it’s settled. We’ll head back.

On the way back Dylan immediately started walking in the ocean. Neither of us had shoes. He didn’t role up his jeans or anything, so the water just soaked up to his calves. I wasn’t as keen on soaking my clothes, so I rolled up my jeans and joined him in the ankle-deep water.
We continued to chat about anything we could think of. The more time we spent together, the more I felt connected and okay with being near him.
It’s like when you first meet someone. At first you think they could be your friend. You hope that he or she is similar and that you have something in common to talk about. And the more you speak, the more you are together, the more your hopes become true.
That is what I was experiencing with Dylan. I didn’t have to make things up about myself to try to be accepted by him. I could act and talk and, for once, just be myself.
We would talk about the surroundings, then move to teasing each other. We made up random nicknames. Then went to playing around and pushing each other.
Until I pushed him too hard and he tripped into the ocean. Which ended me staying dry, because he tackled me by the legs and I landed flat on my front in the water.
We then found a piece of bark that was mostly rotted through and lightly kicked it up the beach for half a mile or so. We would race to who would kick it next.
Given the circumstances, the walk back was one of the best times I’ve had in ages. I was able to get my mind off my brother and the fact that I was stranded on a deserted island. That I had no way of contacting my parents or the rest of humanity. Dylan was the only person in the world who knew where I was and what I was doing.
It was a good feeling being free of everything.
To be completely independent.

It took us all day to make it back and it wasn’t exactly like we were rushing.
I remember peaking around a bend in the trees and looking far ahead to see two people walking up the beach.
That comfortable feeling, where I could just act myself, instantly left my body. I saw the two start running towards us. I had no idea who they were, but it forced me to put that mask back on where I had to think and worry about how to act.

Zooey – Dylan!
One was female and yelled ahead.
She reached us much faster than the accompanying male.
She ran right up to Dylan and gave him a huge hug.
Zooey – Oh, Dylan, I didn’t know where you were. You had me so worried.
Dylan – I’m fine. I was just with Luke.
She didn’t acknowledge I was there. I only stood there awkwardly letting them have their reunion.
Zooey – Don’t ever do that again. Don’t leave me like that.
She was still holding him tight.
Dylan had an expression like he didn’t want to be near her.
The male caught up.
Ian – Where the fuck were you?
He grabbed Dylan by the arm and pulled him from the female.
Dylan stuttered.
Dylan – Uh..
He slapped him.
Ian – Excuse me? I’m talking to you. What the fuck were you doing?
Dylan – Um, I was just helping...
He gestured in my direction.
The guy looked at me quickly.
Ian – Helping? He looks fine to me.
The female grabbed Dylan again and gave him another hug. She again didn’t show any signs of seeing me.
Dylan – Yeah, he was just looking for...
Ian – I don’t care what the hell you were doing. You had Zooey beyond upset. Did you forget what happened and where we are?
Dylan – Uh, sorry. I was just trying..
Ian – No, I’ll tell you what you were doing.
He pulled Dylan away from Zooey’s grip.
Ian – You were being that pathetic retard you always are. You should be thankful that Zooey and I are here to care about you.
Dylan had a few tears in his eyes as the man was yelling only a few inches from his face.
Ian – Now let’s go.
He grabbed Dylan’s arm and pulled him away. Zooey was at Dylan’s opposite side.
I just stood there watching the three of them walk off.
Dylan turned his head around and looked back at me.
The look in his eyes said only one thing.

Stranded 6

The phone number.

I really should call him.

I’m old enough now to be able to do this.

But when it comes to expressing my feelings and fighting for what I want, I am hopeless.

I don’t even know what I would say.

He doesn’t know I have his number so he might go into shock.

And awkward phone calls I am really bad at.

I avoid them at all costs.

Including now.

So my whole jumping around in time idea.  Yeah, that is going out the window until I can find the courage to call him. 

This diary is going to shift its purpose to only the past, at least for now.

Anyway, I don’t think you really want to hear anymore about my shallow relationship with Sterling.  Just go watch a porn movie.

And no. I don’t mean that in a perverted way.

I’m talking about sexual relationships.  The actors, wait is that what they are called?  Sure.  I’ll give them some class.  The actors have no physical attraction to each other and are there simply to provide entertainment to the viewer.

And in my case, you are the viewer.  So until I can call Tyler, there’s only one thing worth describing in my present day life.  And that is my bed life with Sterling.

So, we’re just gonna deal with those first few weeks on the island.

Anyway, I have nothing better to do in the summer anyway. I might as well use my time to write this story out.



My name is Luke Gray and I can be a huge dork.



761 days before being rescued.



We left off on Dylan and I’s first adventure together.  Where I was obnoxious and rude.  And I ignored the friendship he was offering me.

He tried countless times to start a conversation and as it was becoming more and more evident to me that my brother was not out there, I started to respond and acknowledge how friendly Dylan was towards me.

Even today, I wonder why he was so persistent in his attempts to break through to me.  I had that bubble that pushed him away.  I made him feel bad.  I criticized his suggestions.  Yet he didn’t give up.

He was just an all around nice guy.



Luke – Are you bleeding?

I looked down to his shirt and saw a blood stain on the bottom right of the front. 

I pointed to his shirt.

Dylan – No, I’m fine.  That is from yesterday when your cut opened up and I wiped the sand out of it.

That is officially what popped my bubble. 

We spent the entire day searching for my brother.  Dylan never asked once to stop.  Never once to get some food or find something to drink.  He just tagged along in our endless journey.

Simply because he promised me he would help.

He was truly a good person.  A man of his word.

But seeing that stain; that really hit me hard.  Because I quickly realized how obvious it was on the front of his shirt.  And I went the entire day without noticing.

I was a selfish snob.  I never asked anything of Dylan.  I never asked who he was.  If he was missing anyone.  Heck, I didn’t know if he was there all by himself.  I knew nothing about him.

I never once looked at him and saw the blood stain that was so blatant.

I was slightly embarrassed on what to say.

Luke – Oh, right.  Well thanks for that.

Dylan – Of course, you think I was just gonna let you bleed to death?

If I was on an island and I only had one shirt, I don’t think the first thing to come to my mind would be to use my shirt to help someone who isn’t dying.  I would want to keep it as clean as possible.

But not Dylan.  He was a caring person.

Luke – I guess not.  But now you have my blood all over your shirt.

Dylan – So what?  It’s not harming anything.

Luke – Well you don’t have anything else do you, like to wear?

Dylan – Why would I need anything else?

Luke – I dunno.  It’s just weird to walk around with my blood on you.

Dylan – Eh, it doesn’t bother me.

And he showed it.  He really didn’t care.  He was almost proud that the stain was there.  Like a battle scar.

Luke – I guess you are right.  It’s not hurting anything.

Dylan – Well speaking of your cut, how is your head now?

I was done with blowing off his questions.

Luke – It’s much better.  I mean it still stings, but the headache is mostly gone.

Dylan – Good, I’m glad.

Luke – So what time do you think it is?

He looked up at the sky and made some gestures with his hand pointing at what seemed to be the sun.

I remember thinking he was crazy for doing this.

Dylan – Well judging by the sun and its angle, I’d say it’s getting close to 6 or 7.

Luke – Whoa, time out, two things here.  Since it’s getting late, do you think we should get back to your others and how’d you do that?

Dylan – Do what?

Luke – Guess the time like that?

Dylan – It’s something I learned in scouts and it’s just kinda obvious, at least to me.

Luke – Well it’s definitely impressive.  I would have no idea how to do that.

Dylan – I’ll teach you.  We’re all in this together, anyway.  Seems to me like we may be stuck here for a long time.

Luke – Yeah, that’d be great.

Dylan – And as far as going back today, we walked all day in one direction.  There is no way we’ll make it back before sunset.  I think we should just camp out somewhere here. And keep the search going tomorrow.

Luke – Do you really think he is out there though? Could he have floated this far away if all of us went ashore so close together?

Dylan – It’s an interesting point.  I’m not really sure.  I don’t want to give up on him this fast.

Luke – Well I said before we won’t eat until we find him.  I think that was stupid to say.  Cause I’m starving.

Dylan – So we take a break?

Luke – Sure.  Any ideas on what we could eat?

Dylan – Look to your left.

I only saw more trees.

Dylan – Up a little bit.

Ah, bananas.

Luke – You know you really make me look stupid.

Dylan – I’m not trying to.

Luke – It’s all good.  I’m glad you are good at all this stuff, because I’m the most oblivious and retarded person sometimes.

Dylan – Oh, I’m sure you aren’t.  You just need to know what to look for and be aware of what’s around you.

Luke – Like what?

Dylan – Well I knew we needed food.  I knew sooner or later you would admit to it.  So as we were walking, I was looking around and noticed that these are mostly banana trees all the way up the beach.

Luke – Then why didn’t you say something?

Dylan – Why would I?  I saw that the food was there and wasn’t leaving.  It’s like an endless supply.

Luke – But we could have stopped and had a few breaks.

Dylan – Well I didn’t want to challenge what you said.  You were very determined to find Kyle and I promised to help you.

Luke – That’s just crazy though.  You wanted to help me more than eat.

He just shrugged it off.

Luke – Well thanks again man.  I’m really glad you came along with me.  And I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you earlier.

Dylan – Don’t be.  I saw how upset you were about Kyle.

Luke – Yeah, I just hope he is out there.

Dylan – Luke, we are going to find him.  I know it.

Luke – I hope so too.



Luke – So here I go again looking stupid.  How do we actually get the bananas?

Dylan – Well see how most of them are green?  Those aren’t ready to be eaten.  We need to find some that are more yellow.  And you any good at climbing?

Luke – Uh, not really.

Dylan – Alright, I’ll climb up.  I think that tree over there has some we could eat.

Luke – Okay, cool.

Dylan – You just stand below and catch them as I drop them down.

He climbed the tree, threw down a bunch of bananas, and was sliding down the tree faster than I imagined.

He grabbed his left hand right as he landed at the base of the tree.

Luke – You okay?

Dylan – Yeah, I just gave myself a little paper cut sliding too fast.

Luke – Oh, that sucks.

I walked up to him and grabbed his hand.  There was a little blood on it.

My next move I don’t know where it came from.  When I think back to it, it was easily the dorkiest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Luke – Well here.

I took his hand and pushed it against my shirt.

Dylan – What are you doing?

Luke – Now we each have each other’s blood on our shirts.  Like you said, we are in this together.  These stains will be reminders that we always have each other to rely on.

The expression on his face I’ll never forget.  He was happy but kinda scared.  Like he didn’t know what would happen next.

Luke – I think you and I are going to be really good friends.

Stranded 5

There is so much to remember about being on the island.  So many experiences, so many individual memories.  But certain ones really stick out.  Certain ones I can always relive.  I can close my eyes and be there again, letting it happen in front of me.

I think three stand out the most.  The first is Tyler, as you already have seen what it does to me.

The second I will tell you later.  Now is not the right time.

And the third is the sound.

It is a good sound.

Repeatedly crashing waves.  I could keep my eyes closed and listen to it for hours.

And I did.  All the time.  It is that one soothing sound that always calms me down. 

Even now, years after.  I still hear it in my sleep.  It’s like putting those huge headphones on and turning your iPod on loop to your favorite song.  But each time it is slightly different because no two waves are alike.

I mean it’s not like we had huge waves.  They were pretty pathetic compared to the ones we see up here in ocean city.  But the noise they made, that gentle rush.  That is what I loved.

I remember hearing it for the first time.  It harmonized with Tyler voice.  It was that perfect mix.

And I heard it with Dylan.  I remember waking up that second time, when I didn’t know his name but he had the huge smile on his face.  That smile he always had.  The one that said, “I’m here for you.”



Wait a minute.

Is that why I love the sound so much?  Does it remind me of Dylan?  Does it make me remember him and all the good times we shared?

That’s a good question.

Or is it really Tyler that I want from the island?

Then why can’t I call Tyler?

I dunno.  But let’s take this back again.  Let’s go to where I left off.



My name is Luke Gray and I had to find my brother.



761 before being rescued.



I woke up a few hours before when the sun was just peaking through the trees behind me.  My head was still hurting, but definitely not as much as yesterday.  So I just laid there and took everything in. 

I think this was the first time I really was able to hear the ocean.  To sit back and let the noise take over my body, though in such a different way than you’d think.

I had no idea where I was.  I mean I knew I was on a beach and the ocean was in front of me.  I knew this boy named Dylan was still asleep a few feet away from me. 

But where in the world was I?  Who was around me?  What is there on this island?  What has been found so far?

It was all unknown to me.

But specifically, I didn’t know anyone else.

I knew Tyler.

Well sort of.

He showed interest in my well being yesterday.  And I could probably point him out if there were a bunch of people gathered.

But everyone else, the ones Dylan referred to as ‘the others’.  I had no idea who they were or if they even knew who I was.

It was like going to a bad party with someone you only met once before.  Where there’s no one you really want to talk to and you don’t even know what to say to the one you are with.  So you just keep to yourself.

That is what I was doing.  Keeping to myself.

Because I wasn’t going to go around and introduce myself to everyone until Dylan woke up.  He seemed very friendly and aware of everything.  So I’ll let him do it.  I’ll let him show me around.



I specifically remember first hearing the ocean and how I found it repetitively annoying.  I was searching for the mute button.  It was that annoying distant music from your neighbor where you can only hear the bass.

I wanted it to stop.  I was waiting for Dylan to wake up and until then I wanted to pass time.  I tried to fall back asleep.  But in those first few days, that ocean noise was such a hindrance.  I only wanted to fall back asleep to pass time.  But I just couldn’t.



Oh how things have changed.



Dylan – Hey.

He finally woke up.

I sat up.

Luke – Hey.

Dylan – I wasn’t sure if you were awake.  You’re eyes were open but you weren’t really looking at anything.

Luke – Oh, yeah I was just thinking.

Dylan – About what?

Luke – About...

Should I really complain to him about the noise?  That it was keeping me from sleeping.

No.  I don’t want to appear a complainer.

Though he attempted to finish my sentence for me.

Dylan – About your brother?

Oh fuck.

That got me up.

Dylan – Oh, I am sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you.

Luke – Did they find him?

Dylan – Um, I don’t know.  I don’t think so as of last night. 

I stood up.

It was a good feeling to be able to do that again.

Luke – I need to find him.

Dylan – Okay.  I’ll come with you.

At that point I only wanted to be alone and find my brother.  But Dylan showed interest and did want to help me.  So I figured it couldn’t hurt to let him join me.

Cause maybe he’d become a friend.  And if I was going to be stuck wherever this was, I might as well start everything off on the right foot.

Plus if I ran into anyone, I didn’t want to go through that awkward ‘Who are you?’

So I gave him an approving look and allowed him to join me.

Luke – Where can we start looking?

Dylan – Um, I’m not really sure.  I didn’t explore too much yesterday like the others.

Luke – Well what were you doing?

He stuttered a little bit.

Dylan – Uh, just you know.

Luke – Um no.  I was passed out all day.

Dylan – Oh, yeah.  Well, they told me to just watch over you.

Luke – Oh.  Well, uh, thanks.

He looked pleased with himself.

Dylan – Sure.

I turned towards the trees and walked deep into them.

Dylan – Wait, Luke, shouldn’t we talk to the others and see what they found and maybe if they saw your brother.

Luke – His name is Kyle and no.  They aren’t helpful.  If they were, they would have found him by now.

Dylan – Oh.  Right.

He quickly caught up to me.

Dylan – Why are we looking in the trees?

Luke – What do you mean?

Dylan – Well we all washed up on the shore.  Shouldn’t we be looking there for your brother?

Luke – Call him Kyle and I guess.  You make a good point.

I looked at him.  He was again happy with my agreement with him.

Luke – Alright, well you lead the way.

Dylan – Okay.

We walked back to the beach and started walking in the opposite direction than Tyler went the day before.

Dylan – Don’t you think we should find something to eat and drink before we go off?

Luke – No, when we find my brother than we can eat.

Dylan – Oh, okay.

Luke – You can go though.  Nothing is saying you have to follow me.

Dylan – No, its okay.  I promised you I would help you find your brother.



He didn’t say much for about ten minutes of walking.

Dylan – How is your head feeling?

Luke – Uh, its fine.

Dylan – It doesn’t hurt anymore?

Luke – A little.  But I am not worried about that.  My brother is missing, remember?

Dylan – Oh. Yeah.  I was just asking.



I regret the way I acted those first few days.  Dylan was extremely kind to me.  More so than anyone has ever been to me, even now.  But at the time, my desire was simple: find my brother.

I couldn’t let anything get in my way.  I was so incredibly determined.  I knew he was alive.  I felt it.  I never could give in and admit he was gone.  I couldn’t give in to that fate.  It was just not part of me.

Stranded 4

762 before being rescued.



voice – Are you alright?



voice – Hey kid, can you hear me?

Female voice – Is he breathing?

Voice – Yeah, he is.

Female voice – Well sit him up and get him away from there.

Voice – Kid, nod if you can hear me.



Voice – I’m going to carry you, so you need to let me know if you are hurt.



Tyler – Hey kid, you are alive!

I moaned out a noise.

Tyler – Hey guys, he’s alive!



Tyler – Do you know where you are?



Tyler – Hey, dude, my name is Tyler.  What’s your name?



I struggled out my name.

Tyler – Hey Luke, do you know where you are?

I looked around at the surroundings.

I had no idea where I was.

Tyler – Luke, how about you just get some rest.  I’m going to carry you somewhere else.  Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to you.



Ow, my head.

I had a headache worse than I ever remember.

I opened my eyes and saw a guy about my age sitting near me.

He smiled at me.

Dylan – Hey Luke, are you feeling any better?

Luke – Uh, where am I?

Dylan – We crashed on this island.  Don’t you remember?

Crashed? What?  I looked around and all I saw was a tropic island.  An extended beach way past what I could take in edged by rows of palm trees and a massive vibrant blue ocean.

He gave me a few seconds to take it all in.

Dylan – It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

I looked back at him.  He was staring right at me.

Luke – Who are you?

Dylan – Oh, sorry, I’m Dylan.  I was on that plane with you.

Luke – Plane?

Dylan – Don’t you remember anything?

I thought to myself.

Dylan – We were on our way to...

I remembered why I was on a plane.

I cut him off.

Luke – Where’s Kyle?

Dylan – Kyle? I don’t think I saw anyone named Kyle.

Luke – My brother, where is he?

I frantically looked around.  I sat up but the sudden rush of blood to my head made it pound even more.

I squealed and put my hand on my head.

Dylan – Hey, just relax, I’ll find him.  What does he look like?

My head hurt too much to think.

Dylan – Luke, just lie down.  You have a huge cut on your head.  You need to relax.

He pushed me back down.



Tyler – Has he said anything?

Dylan – Yeah, he woke up for a minute.  I think he has a huge headache.

I opened my eyes.

Tyler was back and looking right into my eyes.

Tyler – Hey dude, how you feeling?

Luke – My head.

I put my hand up to my head, but Tyler grabbed it before I could touch my forehead.

Tyler – You have an open wound, you don’t want to touch that.

I looked into his eyes.

His concern took away the pounding pain.  He was still holding down my arm.

Tyler – Well it looks like my buddy is taking good care of you.  I’ll come check back in a little bit.  Just hang in there, dude.

He released my hand, stood up, and walked away. 

I was not the only one to watch him walk away.  I looked back at Dylan’s face and saw his eyes in the direction Tyler went.

Dylan turned and looked back at me.  He was quiet for a minute or so.

Dylan – How bad does it hurt?

Luke – Like someone is repeatedly punching my head with a frying pan.

His face quivered.

Dylan – Can I get you anything?  I think they found some fruit.

I gave him half a smile.

Dylan – I’ll be right back then.

He walked off in the same direction Tyler went.

Finally alone.

I sat up and looked out into the ocean.

Dylan’s friendly words were fresh in my head.

Isn’t it beautiful?

It was.  It definitely was.

Then I remembered.

Where is my brother?

I looked around too quickly causing my head to burn even more.

I forced myself up and started running through the sand, but quickly collapsed getting sand all over my face.

I tried to get up again, but was too dizzy and fell over.

I felt pain of a different form originate from my heart and pulsate through my veins to my whole body.

I had no idea where my brother was.

He could be injured and in need of me.  Just lying somewhere, waiting for me to help him.

I tried to get up again, but it didn’t get me anywhere.

Dylan – Luke, what are you doing!

Dylan grabbed my body and rolled me onto my back.

Dylan – You can’t just go running around in your condition.

Luke – My brother!

I pushed him off of me.  He fell backwards and landed in the sand.  A wave came up and rushed over both of us.

I concentrated enough to stand up and started walking towards the trees.

Dylan caught up to me and touched my shoulder.

Dylan – Wait!

Luke – What!

Dylan – Luke, I’m not trying to stop you!

Luke – Then get off of me!

Dylan – Stop, wait, please!

I stopped and turned towards him.

Dylan – I want to help you.

His eyes showed it.

The sudden energy I had in finding my brother left my body.  I fell back to the ground.

Dylan tried to catch me, but again, my head hit the sand.

Dylan – Luke, you need to sit down for a few minutes!

I pushed him off again.

Dylan – You are bleeding again. 

He took off his shirt.

Dylan – I have to clean off your wound, there is sand all over it.  You don’t want to get it infected.

He used his shirt to carefully wipe my forehead.

I flinched a few times.

Dylan – Hold still.

He put his hand on the back of my head.

Dylan – There, now can you please just take it easy, you can barely stand up.

Luke – But my brother.

Dylan – The others are looking around the island for anything they can find.  If he is out there, I’m sure they will find him.

Luke – If?

I felt my heart sink.

Dylan – That’s not what I mean.  I’m sure he’s okay.

Luke – How do you know?

Dylan – I promise you right now, if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll help you find your brother.

I took a deep breathe and he made me lay down.



I wish he never said that.

I think he wished it too.

Because that was something he could never do. 

He was not capable of it.

But he made me believe it for those first few days.  And that is what I needed to adapt, focus, and heal.



Dylan was definitely one of those people that affected me. 

Him and I were always together.  We were very similar.  Yet we were complete opposites.  And that is what made him and I so close.  He quickly became my best friend on the island.



I could feel a tear come to my eye.

Oh Dylan.

I miss you.

Stranded 3

I feel bad for this. 

Sterling was doing his thing.  Well doing my thing.  But as I stared at the ceiling my mind was elsewhere.

It was on something I haven’t thought of in ages.

And I don’t know what made me think of it.

Maybe it has something to do with seeing Derek a few days ago.  I dunno.

Whatever the reason, the memories were back.

I mean, thinking about it is horrible and for the longest time, every step I took made me relive it.

It took ages to push to the back of my mind.

But it is one of those things, those horrific experiences that you can never truly forget.

And you don’t want to, because it makes you a better person knowing you’ve gone through it.



My name is Luke Gray and someone died in my arms.



407 after being rescued.



I never told anyone that before.

Well I still haven’t.  You haven’t read this yet.  Only two people in the world know I watched someone die. 

And one of them is dead.

The other I’m sure you can guess.



I can try to put what that was like into words, but I will fail.

It is not possible.

The emotion, the feeling of someone’s body giving up, gradually going cold.

I can’t describe it.

And I never want to.



But why?

And how?

What was it that brought this person to me?  The energy and strength to make it to me in that condition.

Why me?

Why did it have to be me?

There were seven of us on that island.  What was so special about me?

I was just Luke Gray, the quiet guy that never caused any trouble, always doing what I was told.

What was it that made him come to me?

I can only guess.

My dreams tell me why, but that can’t be the reason.  I refuse to believe it.  I can’t be that important to someone.  I’m just Luke Gray, there is nothing amazing about me.

If there is something about me, why have I not seen Tyler in over a year?

Didn’t I make him happy?

Wasn’t I something to him?

I thought I was.

He told me I was.

But obviously I wasn’t.  I am not that type of person.  No one thinks of me that way.



It all brings me back to guessing what happened.

And one person might know.

Tyler Carson.



Oh Tyler.  What did I do?  Why does it have to be this way?

Don’t you still want me?

I miss you so much, you don’t understand.

I closed my eyes and took myself back to the island.

I took us back to the beach.

Under the stars, where Tyler and I would lay in each other’s arms all through the night.

We would hold each other in a way that made me at home no matter where we were.

I imagined him being right next to me, available for me to do anything I wished.

Just his grip on me. 

I could feel it.

I started thrusting forward.

I felt myself go harder than I have in a long time.

I moaned out loud.  My whole body tensed up.

I kept going until it shot out all over.

And then I felt something wet stroke my stomach.

Sterling – Wow dude.

Luke – Jesus.

Sterling – What?

Damn it.

Luke – Nothing.

Sterling – I haven’t seen you get like that in a month.

I looked down at him.  I ran my fingers through his hair.

He wasn’t ugly or anything.  I mean most guys would like him.  He could satisfy anyone.  And he was sweet and romantic.  And he cared.

But he wasn’t Tyler.

He was cleaning up, but his eyes were waiting for a response.  I knew what he wanted to hear.  But after that, was it right to say it?  To continue this lie?

Fuck it.

Luke – You’re just that beautiful.

Whatever.  It’s not exactly a lie.  He is gorgeous. 

It’s not his fault he wasn’t really what I was getting off about.

Ugh, now you are judging me again.

Why do I feel so bad about this?

Please, if there is such a thing as time travel please come and tell me what I should do.

I’ll wait.



Hmm, I guess no time travel.

Shucks, spoilers about the future.



Sterling was too into whatever he thought was between us to give a damn that I didn’t have an honest face when I said that.

So remember I said I’d point out the crucial people in my life that dictate my story?  Well sometimes I wonder if he is one of them.

At this point I have no idea. 

When it ends, will I miss him?  Will he drive me mad?  Will he cause me or help me to find out what happened?  Maybe he is more important than I think.

Maybe he will do something that is so amazing it changes my thoughts of him.

Maybe the two of us will go on our own adventure that leaves me only wanting him.

All I can say, as of right now, it doesn’t seem he is all too important to the story.



We both got up and showered.

And no, not together, I wanted to be alone for a little bit.

It gave me time to properly think without distraction.

Why do I get this way when I think about Tyler?  Why can’t I get over him?

I’m in a new situation, a new relationship, a new environment, a better environment.  Yet all I dream about is being back on the island.



What is it that makes me want to go back?

Is it Tyler?

Do I miss what we had?

What really irks my stomach is guessing what Tyler actually thinks of me.  All that time it couldn’t have been fake.  Was he scared to go back?  Did he not want to go back to his old life?  Was he afraid to bring his new life back with him?

But how did he make that decision so instantaneously?

If I really meant something to him, how could he push me away like that, so nonchalantly, without regret, and no attempts to contact me?

That is how I know I didn’t mean anything to him.  And by now, I should accept that.  In my mind, I did.  I know we won’t ever be together.

But my heart.



See my heart still wants him, but that isn’t my only body part that is in need of him.  My mind needs him.  I need to know what happened.  I am left with the same curiosity that has paparazzi following me around.

I wish I knew what to do.

I have debated this countless times.

Do I have the courage to do it?  I survived a plane crash, a death famine, being rescued, yet I lack the courage to do this.

I checked to make sure Sterling was still showering.

The water was still running and he takes at least twenty minutes to fix up his hair after the water stops.

I went to my desk drawer.

I pushed around all the pencils and papers and crap that develop over time.

There it was.



Tyler Carson’s cell phone number.

Stranded 2

So logically the next step is to tell you what happened when I opened my eyes.

Explain the island around me, who I saw, what I did, what happened.

But let’s face it.  You know what happened.

Tyler Carson and I were rescued.

That is what you know.  That is what everyone knows.  This is like reading a book and someone blatantly says, “Oh, did you get to the part where Phyllis dies?”

So you have to read and read and you know Phyllis dies.  But why or how or when, that is the only mystery left.  Well actually, in this case, you know when, you know how, and you even know why:  I shot a flare and a boat saw it after 762 days of being confined to that island.

It’s just such a spoiler that you know we were rescued.

So why would you care what happens in between the crash and rescue when you know how it ends?

Why would I waste your time?

Well I know why.

You want to know why Tyler Carson did what he did.  You want to know what made him the person that everyone sees him now.  You want that little insight that only I know.

Or at least you think I know.

So, what do I know?

Well, I know a lot.  I witnessed it.  I was part of it.  I was there.

But I don’t know everything.  It is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you.

The only difference is I was the first to be left guessing.

I had to live with it for months, years, not being able to talk to anyone besides Tyler Carson.

Which was both a joy and hell for reasons you may not even want to know about.

So I’m giving you that warning now.  If you don’t care or if you are looking for a history lesson or if you are looking for quotes from Tyler Carson, you are in the wrong place.

I will tell what I know, I promise that.  But I am going to take you on this journey with me.



Like I was saying, the logical step may be to continue after the crash.  But this is my story.  And in my story, nothing is logical.



My name is Luke Gray and this is who I am today.



407 days after being rescued.



I’ve been thinking a lot recently.  You say you want to know what happened to Tyler Carson.  You want to know what we did on that island.

Well I want to know what happened to Dylan.  I want to know what happened to Hayden, to Zooey, to Ian.  Heck, even what happened to Paul.

One day they were there, next gone.  I mean I know what happened to one of them.  I saw it, it happened in front of me.  I watched the most horrific experience of my life.

But I don’t know why.  I don’t know how.  I just know it happened.



After I was rescued, the press followed me everywhere.  They invited me on these talk shows, asked me what I was doing, how I was holding up, what it was like living on an island as a 15 year old with only one other person around.

I told them what they wanted to hear.  I wasn’t rude or unfriendly about it.

I just did what I was told.

It was like a job.  Heck it was a job.  My mom hired an agent to handle all the requests.  He even got me paid every time I went somewhere.

But it didn’t last.  People soon forgot who Luke Gray was.

I became old news.

The sympathy started to wear off.

I went back to school.  People started treating me like I was just the new guy.  You know, ignoring me, letting me sit by myself.

But that was okay.  Being alone with only one person for all that time was very peaceful.  It was like my utopia.  It was all I wanted.

Just one person.

Just Tyler Carson.

But then we came back. And the constant attention, the pressure, and the lifestyle change. 

It was all so overwhelming.

As a 17 year old, I needed a break from it all.  I needed to just be by myself.  Just sit in my room, play some video games, stay up all night watching movies.  Typical stuff that I had missed for so long.



And then it happened.  Tyler Carson happened.

And everyone was back. 

It all started again.  Everyone wanted to know what happened on the island.

They wanted to know why he did it. 

They say I am the only one who knows him.  The only one who could possibly understand what he did.

That’s all anyone ever wanted from me.

They didn’t care about me.  They were just human detectives.  Using their natural curiosity to lure anything and everything out of me.

Which is why I hesitated to say too much about the island and the relationship Tyler and I had.

Oh that feels weird to say.

‘Tyler Carson’ is what the world calls him.

And it’s been so long since I’ve seen or spoken to him I am beginning to give in.

I started calling him by his stage name.

But when I think back to the island, when it was just him and I, he is just Tyler.  To me, he is still that friendly guy who made me feel like I was at home everyday on the island.



So today.

Today is just another day for me.

A normal day of hanging out, taking it easy. 

I woke up early for some reason, before Sterling.

I didn’t feel like going downstairs or eating or taking a shower.

Well I did go take a piss.  Cause what guy doesn’t wake up and need to relieve himself?

Especially waking up with someone else in your bed.

Someone sexy.  Someone I can roll over and touch his face.  I can push my body against and feel the warmth.  Someone who is mine.

Oh who am I kidding?

The lust between us is fading.

I don’t know where or when it started.  But I feel like this is just prolonging the inevitable.  I know we won’t end up together.

I think he does too.

But no one will end it.

I don’t really have the courage to.

And my parents are still too sympathetic to kick him out.

Honestly, I don’t even know where he would go if I wasn’t here.  He never told me where he is from.

It was always me he wanted to know about.

Sterling – Tell me more, Luke.  What was it like on the island?

Him always complimenting me.

Sterling – You are so sexy.  I watched you on that interview today, you looked really good on TV.

He is just always around, waiting to come back to my room.

Sterling – Hey love bud, what time are you coming home?

I mean I can’t lie.  The life we have in bed, you know late at night, it’s amazing.  It’s incredible.

But when it’s over.

Eh.

We just don’t have what we used to.  Sometimes I look into his eyes and guess what it is about him that I don’t give up on.

But then he does something really sweet.

Like he buys me a gift or flowers or sets up something real romantic.  And yeah, the nightlife.

I dunno.  I mean he’s like a good pillow.  Once he was fresh and new and then over time, he faded.  But you still think about the good times and don’t have the heart to throw him out.

And then one day, your mom comes in and tells you the pillow smells and needs to be thrown out.  So as long as you aren’t the one doing it, tossing it just doesn’t seem that horrible.



That sounds pretty awful now that I think about.  The way I think of him.

But what else can I say?

Right now I am sitting on my bed, just underwear on and staring at his face.

That is honestly what I think about when I see him.

Wow, yeah I think that makes me look pretty shallow or a douche.

But this is all the truth.  I’m not gonna lie to you.  I’m going to give you exactly what I see, exactly what I know.

I promised that to you.

So if telling you I use this guy right here like an old pillow is what I need to do to say the truth, that’s what I’ll do.

Judge me all you want.  You are the one that decided to read this.



Alright, enough is enough.  I opened the curtain and let the sunlight across the bed.

The white sheet was the only thing covering his naked body.

He moaned a little.

I sat back on the bed.

Sterling – Morning sweetie.

Luke – Good morning.

He rolled over to me and grabbed my leg.  I had my legs crossed.

He started rubbing my thigh back and forth.

I laid back stared at the ceiling.

It didn’t take him too long to slip in a finger, one by one into my boxers, each stroke going further and further in.

He inched his whole body closer to me as I was slightly out of reach.

Now it was only one stroke he needed to reach where it counted.

And now I remember why I put up with him.

Stranded 1

Everyone always tells me I should write a book. They say what has happened in my life, what I’ve lived through is so unique that the world wants to read it.

People are sick of guessing what happened through the media and tabloids. Because the truth has never been told. They want to know. And I am the only one to tell it. Because it is common knowledge Tyler Carson certainly won’t.

I have considered telling everything, but honestly I have no idea where to begin. My story is so much more than what the public is expecting. I mean who knows, maybe it will get my community more noticed. Give us more rights. Whatever it is, I just don’t know how to tell it.

I have sat down in a few interviews and tried to explain. But it never feels right. I leave things out. I hide the truth. And every time it is different. Which is why I’m told if it is to be written, it has to come directly from me.

So you might ask why I have waited so long to tell. Well, the answer is simple:

My story is not over.

If I am to tell what happens, I can’t leave out my ending.

I can’t set up for a big climax and then just end the book.

So this is why I have decided to start this diary of what is happening right now.

I don’t know what will happen of it. Maybe in a hundred years someone will find it in an attic and release it to the world. Or maybe my story will end tomorrow and I’ll find the courage to hand this to a publisher the day after.

The truth is I don’t know what will happen.



So like I said, I don’t know where to begin. I have tried before. I pick a beginning and start writing. But I quickly realize I need something before it.

I could start the day I was born, but that surely isn’t all too interesting.

So what I came up with is to start the day it happened.

That dreadful day.

Or maybe it was the best day of my life. Because I wouldn’t be writing this and you would have no idea who Luke Gray was if it never happened.

And from there I know I’ll need to fill in some holes, give some flashbacks, jump around in time, but that is how I need to tell it. It is the only way I know I won’t forget anything. It let’s me divulge my story in the order I want.



So before I get into the past, I should tell you where I am now. Because for you, whenever you are reading this, it is a different time period than it is now.

You are reading words and living a story in a different time that on three different occasions will be brought to life. Initially, about three years ago is when it all started.

If you don’t know what happened then you must not be living in reality. Because, at least in my day, who doesn’t know?

So the second occasion is right now, for me as I bring each memory back to life and put them to words.

And the third is for you. You will know what happens. You will know how this ends. You can look at it on a global perspective because by the time this is released, the tabloids or Wikipedia will publish it all.

It’s not exactly like this will be a history lesson. It will be what I am thinking, what I am living, and how I made it through.



My name is Luke Gray and this is my story.

762 before being rescued



Luke – I was told to check on you and make sure you weren’t messing around.

Kyle – Dude.

Luke – Don’t yell at me. I’m just the messenger.

There are a lot of people through the years that enter and leave my life. Some are very important to me and others aren’t. But each is crucial to my story. As I tell this, I will point out who they are and give you all I can about them.

So here’s introduction number one.

Kyle’s my little brother. He’s only a year younger than me. We both have very similar interests, which probably makes him my best friend. We both rely heavily on each other for advice and as companions.

He has a larger group of friends than me and is considered popular at school, but it doesn’t matter to me. I have my close friends and that is all I need.

Wait, you know how I said I’d forget something? Here is an obvious one: my age. This could get confusing as I bounce around time.

Today, like right now for me, I’m 18. I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want and not have to live under my parents. I wish. This stupid incident held me back in my schooling, so legally I still have to go to school.

But whatever, I’ll complain about that later.

Let’s see, in today’s flashback, it was about three years ago. Actually it was right before my birthday, so I was 14. My brother was 13.

Let’s get back to the story.



He obviously wasn’t packing but I was not the type to snitch on him.

I walked into his room and sat on his bed.

Luke – This trip is gonna be awesome.

Kyle – Yeah, I’m excited.

Luke – Though seriously, have you actually started packing?

Kyle – Nope.

Luke – How can you not? I packed like three days ago.

Kyle – Cause you get way too excited. You let your gay shine on too much. I just go with it.

Luke – Dude!

Kyle – What, they aren’t listening.

Luke – Yeah, but still. I don’t want you to get used to saying it out loud. What if you let it slip at the wrong time.

Kyle – Eh, I have control.

I’m telling you, I really am bad at giving you all the important details. But whatever. I’ll fill you in when need be.

So here is another one.

I’m gay.

That is actually essential to everything, and why you might ask. Well I’ll tell you later. Let’s keep going with this.

He wasn’t even paying attention. He was concentrating on messaging on his laptop.

Luke – But still, please?

Kyle – Yeah, yeah. You said you were gonna tell them anyway.

Luke – I will. Eventually. But right now isn’t the best time. We are about to leave for a ten day trip.

Kyle – I’d say it is the perfect time.

Luke – Yeah, well you aren’t the one that has to do it.

Kyle – If you give me that role, I’ll do it.

That wasn’t a bad idea at the time. I had no idea how to tell my parents three years ago. That feeling inside me. The feeling that I had to constantly hide who I was. Well I still have it. But today it is in another form.

Because everyone knows I’m gay now. But I can’t say who I really love.

Agh, I’m getting off topic again. This is probably going to happen a lot.

Kyle turned and looked at me.

Kyle – I was kidding.

The joy that my secret could be revealed where I live and spend every day of my life was wiped from my face.

Kyle – How can you grow as a person if you can’t even tell mom and dad?

Luke – Why do you have to be so logical?

Kyle – Your stuck with it.

That is Kyle for you. We may have similar interests and hobbies, but we differ in some key ways. I tend to exaggerate and worry too much. Kyle is the opposite. He sees the important and logical side.

He is black and white; you know, right or wrong, no middle ground. Where as me, I’m gray. I look at all the ‘what ifs’ in life.

Kyle – I’ll always be here to set your mind straight.

Luke – Well how about you set yourself straight and start packing. I don’t want to get in trouble for you not being ready.

Kyle – Don’t try to change the subject?

Luke – I’m not. I just want us to go and not have to listen to a lecture on the way to the airport.

Kyle – Yeah, whatever. But this conversation isn’t over.



My brother and I were sitting in the back seat. Even though we were both old enough to sit in the front seat, it was still habit to get in the back. And we were both okay with that. It gave us time together, like as friends.

My mom was driving us to the airport. My dad had work, so he already said his goodbyes in the morning.

Mother – You two are rather quiet. I’m not going to see you both for almost two weeks. Anything you want to tell me or talk about before you are off?

Kyle looked right at me.

I widened my eyes and shook my head slightly so that only he could see.

Kyle – I think Luke has something to say.



I hate to cut this short. I really do. You have no idea how much I want to tell you what I said or what Kyle said or even how my mom reacted.

But as you know, this is the day it happened. And with it, it took something from me. It took a few hours of my life.

A few hours were completely gone.

Well not completely gone, everything still happened. I still got on that plane. It still crashed. But it stole my memory from that point until sometime in the future.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t recall anything. After all this time, all I remember is waking up and seeing a face that has never left my mind:

Tyler Carson.